


Apologies

by malekin



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-04
Updated: 2017-05-18
Packaged: 2018-03-16 05:27:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 22,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3476165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malekin/pseuds/malekin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Eddie finds out that Barry is the Flash, Barry has some work to do winning back his trust.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Unmasked

**Author's Note:**

  * For [catvampcrazines](https://archiveofourown.org/users/catvampcrazines/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Flash Gifset](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/107999) by grantgustin. 



When Barry had imagined telling Eddie he was the Flash, it certainly wasn’t like this. In his mind he would have just rescued him, preferably in the most badass way possible. Then he could take advantage of endorphins, unmask himself, and let his incredibly hot, cop boyfriend in on his secret. Said incredibly hot, cop boyfriend would then be so impressed with the baddassery and endorphins himself that no explanation would be needed and they could move to the really fun portion of the evening; testing the multitude of uses for his power and how best to exploit those to their advantage. Or on a much healthier level, relationship-wise, he could have just sat him down and told him. Barry figured the second was probably the best call, though he still routinely fantasized about the first, and that had been as far as he’d gotten on the whole unveiling process.

Which brings us to now. See, he’d been late four times in two weeks, and if Eddie’s increasingly icy texts were anything to go off of, his date was getting a little peeved. So, he’d made use of that key he’d borrowed earlier that day for this very occasion and was attempting to apologize by making dinner and surprising Eddie. In hindsight, maybe he shouldn’t have waited so late to head over. And, maybe, just maybe, using his speed to attempt to both get ready and clean up a bit because he had waited so long had been a bad idea. Didn’t Caitlin keep telling him not to rely on it for everything? She could never know that it had, in fact, come back to bite him.

That was how he came to be standing in the kitchen; slack-jawed with one arm behind him stirring, while another was frozen mid throw towards the garbage can. Eddie wasn’t much better. He was sporting the same shocked expression, though his arms were more natural with one hand on the door he’d just pushed open and the other hanging limply at his side. Barry thought that Eddie had won out on the arm thing, his were getting a little tired of being held at such an odd angle.

Barry wasn’t aware of it, but a similar thought crossed Eddie’s mind.

Those two random, yet synchronized, realizations seemed to bring light to the fact that both were still frozen. Eddie acted first, pushing his way in and closing the door behind him quickly. Barry sighed in short lived relief at being able to relinquish his own pose.

“You scared m-“, His smile faltered when he saw the look on Eddie’s face. 

That answered one question, he had seen. Barry had held out some sliver of hope that the shocked look had been because of catching him in the apartment, or perhaps his ridiculous position. The way he walked stiffly passed him without a word, sitting on the couch with his head held in his hands answered another. He was pissed.

His second sigh was anything other than relief as turned the stove off and moved to sit next to him on the couch.

“Eddi-”, He stopped again, the face that had turned towards him wasn’t pissed; it was profoundly hurt.

His mouth went dry and whatever he’d planned on saying died in his throat. Of all the faces he’d imagined during his rounds of fantasy unveilings, this was never one of them. Shock, lust, anger? Sure, they’d all had a starring role right alongside appreciation and awe. Unabashed hurt and betrayal? Somehow, those had ended up on the cutting room floor of his mental movie studio. Careless executive decisions ruin films, and possibly relationships.

“You’re the Flash?” Eddie’s eyes looked him over in a way that Barry might have found insulting, had he not been so terrified that he was losing the man in front of him. He rubbed his face in his hands, groaning and trying to find some way to stop that from happening.

He tried to choose his words carefully.

“Eddie, I swear, I was going to tell you,” Eddie had turned away from him and Barry could see that far from saving this situation he seemed to be making it worse, regrettably, the words still came, “but there was so much going on-”

“Stop.” Betrayal and hurt were now sharing the spotlight with insulted. There was an unmistakable sheen of threatening tears that Barry didn’t want to think about, but made his heart clench.  
He was afraid that anything he could possibly say right now would destroy any chance he had of making this right again. If that was even an option anymore, he had to get out of there, away from that look and that broken voice. He had to think, and he couldn’t think around this pressure in his chest that was making it hard to breathe.

He stood up, backing away from the couch and nearly upending an end table.

“I…” Eddie looked to him, and he faltered, “should go.” He ended lamely.

He waited half a beat, long enough to see Eddie turn away from him, long enough to see a glimmer of moisture caught in his lower eyelashes, then turned and left; hoping this wouldn’t be the last time he saw these walls. 

~.~

 

“You’re the Flash?”

It wasn’t a particularly complex sentence, but the loaded implications behind it and the look on his face that Barry could not get out of his head; had become the running theme of his weekend. He’d hoped that weekend would have started off with Eddie forgiving him for his chronic lateness and Barry helping him remember why he forgave him until Monday. 

Instead it saw him putting more work into his training than ever before. Dr. Wells expressed his approval of Barry taking it so seriously, he had no idea that in truth, he was just trying to run from that Friday. Run from that voice that had torn so softly through his gut.

“Stop.”

He couldn’t blame Eddie for being insulted by his lame excuse. There had been time, of course there had. It just hadn’t been “the time”, that had been his own excuse. Fear that he’d be rejected, fear that he’d put him in more danger. That last one didn’t hold much water though, he was probably in more danger not knowing what he was getting into with Barry and his secret life. 

If he was honest with himself, and really what was the point in lying now, he could admit that he was mostly afraid that Eddie wouldn’t want him anymore. It was one thing to harbor a secret crush on your neighborhood superhero, and man did Eddie have that covered, but to find out that your boyfriend was the one behind the mask…

Admitting to lying since the beginning, putting himself in danger on a daily basis, and generally just the idea of adding one more layer of secrets to their already under wraps relationship; Barry wasn’t sure how well that would go over.

He thought that Caitlin had some idea, maybe not what was happening exactly, but she seemed to pick up on the fact that he wasn’t throwing himself into his training because of newfound dedication. Her words had been softer, gestures more on the touchy feely side. Cisco had been too excited about explosives, and his smiles had been contagious; giving Barry a small break from his inner replaying of that day.

“Decided to grace us with your presence?”

Surprised, he looked up to see Iris standing across the table from him, knowing smile on her lips.

“Don’t look so shocked, your frequent absences from the house have been noticed.” Her expression turned playfully stern, “And eventually, the cause for those absences should come for dinner.”

“What are you doing here?” he blurted out.

She turned her head slightly to the side, questioning.

“I work here Barry.”

“Oh, right…” he shook his head, “sorry, long weekend.”

Iris chuckled.

“That good, huh?”

Barry caught her eyes and her expression softened.

“That bad then?”

He nodded, accepting the coffee she was pouring into his cup gratefully.

“I-uh, yeah. Yeah, you could say that.” Barry wrapped his hands around his mug, watching the swirl of milk, “It would be the understatement of the year, but you could say it.”

“So, what did you do?” She sing-songed, pulling up the chair and settling in.

“What makes you think I’m the one who did something?” he asked indignantly, never mind she was right.

A raised eyebrow was her only response.

“Yeah, okay.” He sighed, defeated, “The takeaway here is I messed up, the details…”

He waved his hand dismissively. What were his other options really? He didn’t have it in him at the moment to come up with a cover story, and what, possibly piss off another person close to him by letting them know he’d been lying. That he’d been the elusive Flash she’d gone after. Or if she took it okay, then he’d still have Joe on his ass for telling her.

“They’re not important.” He mumbled into this mug.

Iris sighed, she knew something was going on with her best friend. He’d been keeping secrets for a while now, since he’d woken up from the coma. She hadn’t picked up on it at first, too happy he’d been alive, but she had noticed eventually. Lately he’d had another, as much as she was used to it, the elusive answers and disappearing, she didn’t have to like it. There was a time they’d told each other everything, and logically she knew it was normal for that to change as they got older. Again, she didn’t have to like it.

“Barry,” she reached across to still his hands, “is it worth saving?”

He looked at her, uncertain, and she nodded.

“Well, maybe that’s the question you should answer first.”

He pulled his hands away, standing to shrug on his jacket and grab his bag.

“I’ve got to get to the station.” 

Iris checked her watch and smiled broadly.

“Barry Allen, early to work. Will wonders never cease?”

Barry smiled back tiredly, pushing his way onto the sidewalk outside the café.

His reasons for leaving early had nothing to do with work performance and everything to do with avoiding any awkward encounters with Eddie. Before this, accidental disclosure, he’d enjoyed running into him at the station. Even when he’d been upset about Barry’s chronic case of lateness, Eddie had always greeted him with an enthusiastic smile and a half step in his direction before remembering the secret aspect of their relationship. 

Barry had taken those smiles and half steps for granted, and the idea of running into him now and getting nothing, or worse, some faked acknowledgement for appearances sake…he didn’t think he could face that.  
He reached the station and paused before pushing open the doors, bracing himself for the possibility that Eddie had had the same idea. He let out a slow breath when the mostly empty precinct greeted him. He’d never seen the place so quiet, soft murmurs came from desks as though the other occupants were afraid to breach the calm atmosphere the building held. He found himself by the chair he’d been sitting in when he’d first met Eddie.

Battered and bruised, he’d glanced up at the new detective he and Iris had just been slightly mocking as a pretty boy who kept a tally. He felt a slight flush at the idea the man may have heard them, but Eddie’s broad smile seemed to say he hadn’t. 

“So, I hear you tried to play hero.” He turned his eyes to Barry who shrugged sheepishly.

“I, uh, guess I didn’t really think it through.” He supplied lamely.

Beside him Iris removed her hand from his shoulder and straightened up, attention on Eddie.

“Thanks for being in the right place at the right time,” She patted her bag, “I don’t know what I would’ve done if I’d lost this.”

Barry recognized that tone and rolled his eyes before looking towards Iris, already knowing what he would find on her face. He wasn’t sure his stomach could handle the ‘given the chance I’d like to know you in the biblical sense’ eyes at the moment, but ever one for self-torture, he turned to Eddie expecting to find the same reflected back in Iris’ direction.

Oddly enough he didn’t need to worry about his ability to hold his dinner down. The look was there alright, but surprisingly it wasn’t directed to the woman on his right. Instead it was directed right at him. 

Barry swallowed thickly, the blue eyes bearing down on him making his stomach clench in a wholly different manner than he’d anticipated. Eddie broke first, turning a wide smile to Iris and leaving Barry to let out the breath he hadn’t known he was holding. 

Shaking himself out of the memory, Barry made his way to the lab, pausing again at the door to the modest work out area. His eyes rested on the heavy bag. 

After he’d woken up at Star Labs, he hadn’t given much thought to that encounter. There’d been so much going on that he’d almost forgotten that loaded moment between the two of them. 

At least until Eddie had decided to blow off steam, and use Barry to do so. It had started innocently enough. Eddie kept pushing, telling him to hit harder, and Barry had finally broken; hitting the bag hard enough to send Eddie staggering back. He’d gone to apologize, but Eddie had smiled and waved it off.

“I knew you had more than you let on.” He’d winked and grabbed the bag again. By the end of their blowing off steam session, that look had returned and Barry was pretty sure he’d given back as good as he’d received in that department. It became a regular occurrence, the two of them working the bag. They’d managed to tone the looks down when they were with the rest of the precinct, but small gestures had taken their place.

A hand dragging lightly against the small of a back, resting against an arm for a moment here and there. Knees knocking together when they sat, elbows brushing when they walked past each other. Still they continued the workouts, Eddie claiming it was his duty to make sure the next time Barry chased down a thief, he wouldn’t be the one bruised up. 

Barry was enjoying this building feeling between them, and with each session it ramped up until he felt like the only thing keeping him from viciously attacking the blonde haired man was the bag placed firmly between them. When Eddie suggested they move to punching mitts instead, Barry had been exhilarated at the idea of actual contact. 

He’d tried to follow Eddie’s instructions, while trying to keep his own speed under control; but, that control was stretched thin as it was. Eddie’s eyes seemed to challenge him to something, all the while taunting him to hit harder and faster. Honestly, it was a miracle Barry held out as long as he did before he surged forward, grabbing Eddie by the face and bringing their mouths together with enough force that their teeth cracked together. 

Eddie had groaned at the pain, but quickly removed his mitts and used his freed hands to roughly push Barry against the wall, missing slightly and ending up at the side of the window. The corner dug into his back and Barry couldn’t have been less concerned about it at the moment because Eddie had coaxed his mouth open and their tongues were currently performing a complicated dance that made him moan in appreciation. Their bodies were moving together, desperately trying to find the friction needed to bring this moment to a head. 

Afterwards, they’d laid on the floor, both in dire need of a shower before certain pieces of clothing became glued to their anatomy; neither caring to address that issue. They’d preferred soft touches and slow kisses around lips that smiled to broadly to really get the job done properly. 

Barry thought back to Iris’ question. Was it worth saving? He remembered Eddie’s hand on his face as they’d laid there, tracing his jaw. 

“That was…” Barry had begun.

“Worth the wait.” Eddie had supplied, his eyes dancing and voice soft.

He had felt a different clench that time, this one was slightly higher and slightly to the left. 

Barry had his answer, he knew what he’d had with Eddie was worth saving; he just wasn’t really sure on the how.


	2. Awe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry comes up with a plan to show Eddie how he feels.

Thirty minutes, four failed attempts to study a case file, seven nervous excursions to scope out the bull pen without being seen, and twenty-three times of checking his silent phone later; Barry was starting to lose his cool. He was intercepted on his eighth attempt to see if Eddie was at his desk by a surprised Joe.

“Hey, you’re here early.” 

His slightly raised eyebrow made Barry realize that maybe attempting to see around Joe without actually looking wasn’t working very well. It certainly wasn’t giving off the casual, not looking for the person he was simultaneously avoiding, attitude he wanted to portray.

“First time for everything right?” Barry tried to pull off a smirk, but wasn’t sure he’d managed as Joe’s surprise was slowly changing to concern. Hoping to head it off, he gestured towards the break area, “Coffee?”

Joe looked like he wanted to say something, but nodded instead, turning to lead the way. This gave Barry another chance to sweep over the open room, disappointment settling in after failing to see that familiar blond head.

“Hey, have you seen Eddie?”

Barry noticed that Joe’s mouth was half opened, and realized he’d interrupted whatever he’d been saying that Barry hadn’t been hearing. 

“He took some personal time.” Joe stopped walking and turned to him, “Hey, Iris called earlier, said something about you having some troubles over the weekend?”

“Joe-“

“No, look, I’m not going to pry.” He waved off whatever Barry had been about to say, “I just want you to know, I’m here if you want to talk. I wasn’t immune to messing up myself back in my day.”

“Do you know how long?”

“How long?” Joe’s face was screwing up in confusion, “Barry, are you okay?”

“Yeah, no, I’m fine.” Barry wasn’t fine, but he could handle that later, “How long Eddie’s going to be gone.”

“He said he’s taking a week. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, Joe, I’m fine.” His mind was slightly reeling at not seeing Eddie, even from a distance for a week, “Just a long weekend is all.”

“Okay, if you say so.”

Barry lifted his cup in salute, heading back to his lab before Joe stopped him again.

“Have you tried apologizing?”

He stopped and smiled sadly.

“I don’t think that will cut it this time, Joe.”

He thought it over on the short walk back to his own desk. Had he actually said the words ‘I’m Sorry’? He didn’t think he had. The first thing out of his mouth had been an excuse, not an apology. He wasn’t sure it would have changed anything, but it was difficult to reconcile that the first instinct had been to protect himself and not fix his mistake. 

Regardless of whether an apology would have helped at the time, Eddie wasn’t a big word guy. He liked when Barry read him poetry, enjoyed the way the words weaved over him and blanketed him with the emotion behind the verse. At the same time, he didn’t trust them. The simple fact they could do such a thing coupled with the endless syllables being flung at him from the criminals he interrogated made it so that for Eddie, words had no real meaning.

He was an action person, and Barry had to somehow show him. He wasn’t sure how to show him he was sorry, especially when he wasn’t there to actually show. So he was going to have to take those words that Eddie distrusted and try and remind him why he should give Barry a chance to put them into action. Remind him of why they were worth fixing. Again, the how was a bit daunting, but he’d figure it out. He had to, the idea of not being able to was making him feel nauseous. That would have to come later though, the precinct was coming to life and starting to resemble the buzzing hive he was accustomed to.  
Barry found himself swept up into the current of work, before being pulled to Star Labs for more training. As it was, he hadn’t had a moment to spare a thought to what he’d do until he was laying in his bed that night, listening to the rain patter on the roof.

Memories danced around the corners of his mind and he realized that the busy pace of the day had actually been a blessing in a way. It had kept him from being dragged into all the past encounters like this morning had done. Remembering how his stomach and heart had clenched earlier when he’d recalled those moments, Barry had an idea.

He grabbed his phone, fingers hovering over the familiar text thread before deciding he needed some assurance that the message had actually been seen and moving over to a messaging app instead. He tried to find the words to convey what he wanted to describe with honesty, create a mood, but not make it seem as though he was trying to paint over what had happened. He let the memory wash over him, hoping to find the words there.

The storm had been threatening all day, clouds dark grey and swollen, and a wet heat that invaded every corner of the city driving Barry to distraction. He’d felt heavy and listless, ready for the day to be over. Ready to get Eddie, who’d been sending him smiles loaded with promise all afternoon, away from prying eyes. It had been a week since that training session when they’d lost control. Afterwards, they’d spared a thought to the fact that anyone could have walked in on that; after normal hours or not. It had been a mutual decision that they weren’t ready for whatever was happening to be public, so they’d kept physical contact to a minimum. 

Barry understood why they wanted to keep it under wraps, but that didn’t make it any easier to do so. Many times, he’d caught himself staring a little too hard at lips he wanted to taste again, skin he wanted to touch. Eddie seemed to have caught on to those moments as well, and that look. Barry was amazed neither had combusted by this point to be honest, and he was more than ready for some private combustion to take place. 

He’d warned Wells and company that he was going to be out of contact for the night, and hopefully the next day as well. Told Joe not to wait up for him, and let Iris know he wasn’t going to make it for movies. All that stood between him and unrestrained time with Eddie was this damned crime scene. Despite his need to run and grab Eddie on the way, he went through the scene slowly and methodically. After he’d snapped his last photo and grabbed his last sample he packed up and headed to let Joe know he’d finished processing the area. 

“Oh, good, you’re done then?” Joe had nodded in his direction when he’d walked toward him, bag raised.

“Yep, everything we could get is in here.” He patted the bag gently.

“Just drop it off at the station, the other tech can handle it.”

“You sure?” It pained him to ask.

“Yes.” Joe smiled, “You look like you’re about to vibrate out of your own skin, go, have fun.”

Barry restrained himself from jumping and flashing out of there, but just barely. He felt Eddie’s eyes on him as he left and mentally congratulated himself for not looking back. Until he felt his pocket buzz from an incoming text. One line. 

“My place 9?”

Turning enough to catch Eddie’s gaze, he smiled and nodded.

Three hours later found him jogging up to Eddie’s building, ten minutes late. Not that bad considering his normal track record. Eddie was leaning against the wall outside waiting for him and he’d just opened his mouth to say he was sorry for being late when the clouds opened their own to release a downpour that had them soaked in seconds. He snapped his mouth closed when he realized Eddie was laughing at his expression. He couldn’t really blame him.

“I’m sorry I’m late.” He laughed along with him.

“I sort of expected it.” Barry smiled, “I work with you, remember? But, uh, this,” He pointed to the rain soaking his shirt, “Kind of your fault.”

Barry wanted to mold his mouth to the smiling one in front of him and wondered just how impolite it would be to grab him and force him inside. Eddie seemed to pick up on the change and pushed himself off the wall, walking to open the door and gesture inside.

“Shall we?”

“Yes, definitely, yes.” Barry followed him up the steps and into the lobby. The lights flickered as the door closed behind them.

“So, stairs it is.” Eddie suggested, pointing to the flickering bulbs.

They’d made it up one flight before the lights gave out, leaving them in darkness.

Now, Barry was fully aware of how badly he’d wanted to jump the man to his left all week, but the darkness seemed to push down on him and make it that much worse. He knew there was a reason everything seemed louder now that it was darker, he understood that, logically, the darkness wasn’t conspiring against his sense of self-control. However, logic did not stop him from taking the brush of his hand against Eddie’s as a sign that self-control was vastly overrated; it also didn’t stop him from grabbing Eddie and maneuvering their mouths together as soon as they’d reached the second landing. 

This was good, this was what he’d wanted every time he’d seen Eddie smile. He sighed in contentment when the lips beneath his softened and opened, and groaned in protest when they pulled away.

“It’s just two more flights, Allen.” Eddie chuckled, “Then we’re safe.”

Barry trudged after him, still pouting.

“How are we not safe now?” He complained, “We’re in a dark, deserted stairwell.”

Eddie paused on the next landing. Barry felt him move, hands wound into his hair and a torso pressed into his.

“You make a good point.” Eddie’s breath puffed against his mouth, teasing, “But what I want? Is more than some freshman fumble in the stairway.”

“Y-yeah.” Barry stuttered, too into the feeling of Eddie’s body pressed into his to care that he sounded like an idiot.

“I’ve watched you all week,” his fingers tightened and his lips were close enough to almost touch, “all week, every time you’d, give me these looks, god, and all I wanted to do was bend you over my desk. We’re getting to the apartment.”

“O-okay, do you have a desk in there or-“

Eddie, released his hold, stepping back and laughing before grabbing Barry’s hand.

“C’mon, Allen.”

The small part of him that still had some kind of dignity was shaking its head sadly at his ability to think and form words, the larger part was just happy as hell that Eddie wanted to bend him over a desk he may or may not have just one flight of stairs away. That part gladly followed the still chuckling detective up the last of the steps and out into the hallway leading to his apartment.

He kept his hands to himself as Eddie opened the door, his restraint ended when the door closed. At least, it would have, had he not tripped over something and landed on the poor guy instead of grabbing him as he’d intended. Eddie, having not fully turned around from locking the door, was sent staggering forward into that door, knob digging into his hip in a more than sort of painful way.

“I think we need light.” Barry whispered meekly.

Eddie pushed off the door, turning and nodding before realizing Barry couldn’t actually see it.

“Why are you whispering?” He whispered back.

“I have no idea,” Barry’s voice rose to a slightly louder whisper, “seemed appropriate somehow. Flashlight?”

“I’ve got candles in the kitchen.”

“Okay, I’ll just-“Barry went to step forward, and onto Eddie’s foot.

“You’ll just stay here, hand on the door. I’ll get the candles.” Eddie groaned.

“Yes sir.” 

“Don’t move, you are surrounded by things that could injure or maim one of us.”

“Scouts honor.”

He heard Eddie shuffle somewhere off to his left, then the strike of a match before he came back with two lit candles.

“My hero,” he joked as he took one, “Hey, look at that, with light comes a normal speaking voi-“

He paused, the light of his candle glinting off what suspiciously looked like metal on the wall to his right.

“Is that a sword?”

Eddie was silent as Barry moved to get a closer look.

“Is that two swords?”

“They’re replicas,” Eddie muttered, turning and walking towards the bedroom, “I’m getting dry clothes, want some.”

“Yes,” Barry called back, “Are you, are you a closeted geek Eddie?”

He chuckled, leaving the swords behind to follow him into the room, his candle light showing what looked like vintage superhero posters.

“You are, aren’t you.”

Eddie chucked a dry shirt and pants at him, not commenting.

“No, it’s okay, really. I think I’m more turned on now than when you grabbed me in the stairwell.”

Barry stopped chuckling, watching Eddie peel his wet shirt off.

“Definitely more turned on.”

Eddie turned, walking towards him and taking the dry clothes out of his hands before moving underneath his shirt to peel it off as well.

“We can leave my swords out of this conversation then.” He tossed Barry’s shirt aside, fingers tracing his collarbone. 

“Gladly,” Barry sighed, “there’s only one sword I’m interested in to be honest.”

Eddie groaned, leaning his forehead against Barry’s.

“Did you actually just say that?”

“I’m afraid I did.” 

“That was terrible, Barry.”

“Believe me, I know.” Barry brought his arms up to rest around Eddie’s shoulders, “It’s an affliction I’ve had since childhood.”

“You’re saying I have a lot of this to look forward to?”

“There’s no stopping it really, best to just go with it.”

Eddie’s lips were hovering above his, fingers dancing over his belt buckle.

“So, did I miss the desk on the way in…?”

Eddie groaned again.

“Shut up, Allen.”

 

Later, he’d left the warmth of the bed in search of water and returned to Eddie making odd hand gestures.

“Are you making shadow puppets?” He’d asked amused.

Eddie had rolled over, facing him.

“I have no idea what you mean.”

“Yeah, okay.” He’d chuckled, lowering himself onto the large mattress.

Barry smiled, kissing him slowly.

“I amend my previous statement.”

“Oh yeah, what’s that.”

“You, Eddie Thawne, are not a geek; you are a dork.”

“Who doesn’t like shadow puppets!” he defended.

“Hey, but you’re my dork, so it’s okay.”

“Are you trying to tell me you don’t like shadow puppets, Allen?”

Eddie pulled him into his chest.

“Never, who doesn’t like shadow puppets?”

They’d spent the rest of the night outdoing each other on hand twisting skills. Sometimes adding ridiculous stories, sometimes forgetting the puppets altogether and putting their hands to much better uses. When Barry woke up the next day, the sun was starting to dry out the rain soaked city outside the windows and Eddie was next to him on his back. Face peaceful in sleep, hair tousled and mouth settled into a lazy smile.   
A clap of thunder brought him back to the present, a much colder and emptier bed. Rain pouring, and dark outside his window. 

He tried to get his feelings into his message, avoiding too much of the sex aspect. He didn’t think now was the appropriate time for a ‘Dear Penthouse,’ type of letter. Instead he focused on the way he felt through it all, how he’d felt that morning when he’d seen him sleeping. 

“I’m sorry I took for granted how it felt to be in awe of you.”

His fingers hovered over the send button, and he pressed it quickly before he could lose his nerve. Sitting there, holding the phone and waiting for something, anything. He’d almost given up when it happened. 

Message Read.


	3. Promise

Barry woke up the next day and checked his phone again. There were no new messages, he hadn’t really expected any, but a small part of him had hoped. Still, he’d read it at least. That was something, right? He was choosing to cultivate a tiny flame of hope. Cautiously, but maybe he was on the right track here and all he could do was keep on it.

He’d started his day, not visiting Iris, but instead heading to the coffee shop he’d sometimes met Eddie at for a small break from the reality of hiding their relationship. It was pretty far out, but here they could just be themselves. Be together without worrying or hiding in an apartment. How many times had he sat across from him before reaching across the table and grabbing his hand had become ordinary? How long before he’d started taking that time for granted? Exactly how much of their relationship had he treated as though it would always be there?

So many meetings where Eddie had snuck off after a double shift and no sleep, just to grab a few minutes with him. So many times that Barry had rushed off with some weak excuse that Eddie had never questioned him about. Had he really been so wrapped up in himself to miss the fact that each time Eddie seemed to smile a little less?

Barry wrapped his hands around his cup and tried to put himself in Eddie’s position. 

How would he have felt if it had been the other way around? Him always putting their time together before everything, even his own need for sleep. Meanwhile, his supposed other half was constantly rushing off, canceling plans, and showing up late. 

He thought back to the earlier days, back before his relationship with Eddie had become commonplace in his life; back when he still tried to wake up first to watch the light play across his relaxed face. When he still studied that face like a crime scene and loved every aspect he discovered. 

He let the smell of coffee bring him to a good memory.

They’d been doing whatever it was they were doing for a month now. They hadn’t defined it, but Barry knew it was more than a physical thing on his end, and he thought that Eddie felt the same. 

Eddie, it turned out, was a fantastic cook. Especially if it had to do with pasta. That night, he’d decided to let Barry help him in the kitchen. 

This, it quickly became clear, was a bad idea.

Barry knew that making your own pasta was possible, but he’d never actually done it, or seen it done in any capacity. 

The plan was to make lasagna. Apparently, according to Eddie anyhow, lasagna noodles were very easy and a good introduction to pasta making. Barry wasn’t convinced.

It honestly had started out well. Barry was a great retriever of ingredients, and watched in rapt attention as Eddie began mixing the flour and eggs on the counter. He’d been a little confused as to mixing on a counter instead of a bowl, but it appeared to be working. The fact that Eddie was in a tank top and Barry had an unobstructed view of his muscles as they worked had absolutely everything to do with the unwavering attention. 

It was this distraction in fact that started it all.

Barry wasn’t the most coordinated person to begin with, add in the fact that he wasn’t able to use his speed to cheat his way through, and those eggs really never stood a chance. 

He’d leaned forward onto the counter, claiming to get a better look at the dough being formed, but actually enjoying the view from a different angle. Given his preoccupation he didn’t notice the bowl of eggs sitting next to him until his elbow sent them tumbling to the floor. In his too late attempt to stop this from happening, he’d knocked his cup of coffee with his other elbow. Now there were eggs broken on the floor and a puddle of coffee heading towards both the dough Eddie was kneading and the bag of flour.

Barry grabbed a dishtowel from the counter and attempted to stop the flood from reaching either of those, but in the process forgot about the eggs he’d sent to the floor. 

Eddie watched the next series of events in abject horror and amusement, hands still deep in the dough he was forming. 

Barry first made contact with the eggs, which sent him careening forward with a momentum that was a little shocking. The dishtowel certainly made it to the coffee in time to save the dough, but the sliding sent Barry’s hand shooting towards the bag of flour. The bag of flour which then seemed to explode in a way that was actually quite impressive. 

Eddie bore the brunt of the explosion, while Barry escaped most of it due to his position and the fact that he’d hit the bag in such a way that it was directed towards Eddie. 

They’d stood there for a beat, Barry still laying across the counter, Eddie covered in flour with his hands still in the dough and a thoroughly shocked expression. Before Barry could quite process what was going on, he had a face full of flour himself. He blinked in confusion and looked up to see Eddie with his hands in the bag and a smirk on his face. 

“Oh, it’s like that then.” He challenged.

Eddie flicked more flour at him in response.

“Yep.”

“Okay, I see how it is.” Barry grabbed an egg that had escaped the fall.

Eddie glared at the hand holding the egg.

“You wouldn’t.”

“I think we both know that I win when it comes to childish moves here babe.” 

He lunged forward while Eddie seemed frozen, reacting a half second too late. Barry had grabbed him with his free hand. The hand clutching the egg quickly moved up to Eddie’s head and made contact right where Barry wanted it to. Dead center. 

While he’d won that particular victory, Eddie’s half second too late reaction knocked them both off balance. Barry stumbled backwards, still holding onto Eddie, and right into the egg mess again. This time his trajectory brought his feet out from under him, and Eddie on top of him. 

They’d laid there for a moment, Eddie staring at a flour covered face, while Barry watched the egg slowly drip threateningly towards him. Eddie moved first, grabbing a fistful of egg/flour mess and attempting to pin Barry while he ground it into his hair, this caused Barry to attempt to get out of the hold and retaliate. Their wrestling match lasted all of a few minutes before the slippery floor worked against Eddie and let Barry roll them over. 

“I win.” He’d gloated, smiling broadly.

“I’m not sure anyone actually won here.” Eddie picked an egg shell out of Barry’s hair, sitting up.

Barry, still straddling Eddie’s lap, wrapped his arms around his neck.

“From where I’m sitting,” he shifted his hips slightly, “I’d say we could both win.”

Eddie moaned quietly and positioned his arms around Barry’s back so he could pull him forward again. He rested his forehead against Barry’s shoulder.

“I kind of want to strip you out of those clothes, Thawne.” Barry spoke directly into his ear, and felt Eddie shiver in response. “Not a big fan of raw egg and flour though, defeats my plan of tasting every inch of you.”

Barry had discovered both his ability to speak and Eddie’s weakness to it fairly early on in their relationship. Given Barry’s tendency for embarrassingly bad lines, it sometimes had a mixed effect; not that that stopped him. 

“I think you’ve already done that, Allen, several times over.” He lifted his head to meet Barry’s eyes.

“Hmm, that might be true, but I’ve got some favorite spots I’d like to revisit.” Barry leaned forward, pulling Eddie’s lips against his own for a brief kiss. “Not my preferred flavor for sure.” He joked.

“Shower?” Eddie’s eyebrow quirked up in question.

“Shower.” Barry stood and offered his hand to help Eddie.

They’d surveyed the mess in the kitchen.

“I’m thinking, pizza.” Eddie had supplied, eyeing the ruined dough with a small sadness.

“I think I can get behind that idea.”

After they’d showered, Barry had joined in on the cleanup. He’d inwardly wished he could tell Eddie about his secret. On the surface, it would make this job a lot easier, and deeper than he was sure he wanted to acknowledge, he didn’t want to lie to him anymore. It made him feel a little sick each time he did now, but instead, he’d resigned himself to being slow and to be honest, it hadn’t been so bad with Eddie helping.   
They’d finished shortly after pizza had arrived and after a thoroughly enjoyable re-watching of some Battlestar (turned out Eddie was a closet geek after all, which suited Barry wonderfully), and an even more enjoyable revisit to some of Barry’s favorite spots, they were wrapped up in the warmth of Eddie’s bed. 

After a rousing debate on which classic Doctor was The Doctor, they’d moved on to safer waters with Barry describing his childhood obsession over learning piano but never actually wanting to learn, and Eddie’s embarrassing account of his childhood love for the Beach Boys. It had been a few hours since they’d started and both were starting to yawn.

“Hey.” Eddie nudged him with his chin.

“Yeah.” Barry replied, sleepily.

“Promise me something?”

“What’s that?”

“No matter what’s happening out there,” Barry watched Eddie sweep his hands towards the windows, “This, us, we won’t let it get dragged through that. We won’t keep things from each other.”

Barry waiting a moment, squashing that sick feeling down again.

“So,” he propped himself up on Eddie’s chest, “two cups of black coffee are a terrible thing on an empty stomach. This morning -“

Eddie held up his hand, laughing softly.

“No, that’s okay.” He smiled broadly in response to Barry’s own spreading lips, “I don’t think I need to know everything. But the big stuff, not just the life changing, but the day changing stuff too. I want to know you.”

“I don’t know, this morning was pretty day changing. Possibly life changing even.”

Eddie brought his hand to his eyes, groaning.

“What am I going to do with you, Allen?”

Barry brought himself up, sliding over to straddle the thighs beneath him.

“I don’t know, Detective, hopefully a whole list of things.”

Eddie sat up to meet him, stopping just before their lips met.

“You don’t actually have a list do you?” He murmured.

“Maybe. Wanna see it?”

Eddie grabbed him around the hips, turning to reverse their positions.

“Nah,” He lowered himself, lips landing at Barry’s navel, “I’m more of an off script guy.”

Back in the present, Barry sighed, his coffee was cold and he didn’t think he could stomach it anyway. He wasn’t sure when he’d lost that sick feeling after lying to Eddie, but it felt like a significant loss. And how many times had he deflected Eddie with humor and sex? He pulled out his phone, lost for a moment on what to actually say. There were so many things he wanted to pull out of that night, and all of them were true; but, things like “I wanted to tell you then” or “I hated lying to you”, seemed trite and like he was trying to excuse himself again. 

Instead he focused on the one thing that made him feel the worst of all from that particular memory.

“I’m sorry I turned your promise into a joke.”

He pressed send and waited again with his breath held.

Message Read.


	4. Remarkable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW...towards the end of the chapter...just a friendly warning.

Eddie and Barry had a routine after their training sessions, it hadn’t been a plan per se, just something that seemed to occur and they’d kept doing. In the quiet of the room they’d sat against the wall, shoulders not quite touching, and told each other small pieces of themselves in voices that hovered between a whisper and a normal speaking volume.

During one of these such moments, Eddie had told him that he knew about his nickname among the precinct.

“Well, you’re not exactly Detective Ugly.” Barry had joked.

“Why, thank you, I think.” Eddie had smiled. “It’s not the nickname really, it’s the way people assume I don’t have an opinion on things.”

Eddie had laid out the times that he’d been left in the back of the conversations around him. Decisions being made for things that he would actually have to help carry out, but having no choice in how it played out. It wasn’t just work, the personal aspect of it was the most difficult. Eddie described past relationships where his easy going attitude had been mistaken for complacent.

Sometimes even simple.

Sitting in the empty room, waiting for his shift to start, he thought about it now. There had been an underlying theme to Eddie, he’d seemed to get at least slightly annoyed any time something took his ability to choose away from him. He hadn’t been fond of blindly following, and wanted facts before he decided anything. All part of being a detective, Barry had initially decided. Now, he wondered just how big of a deal choice had been to him.

He realized he’d been no better than those past relationships. He’d let himself get comfortable with his easy boyfriend who didn’t push him too hard for explanations.

Barry stood, stretching and pulling out his phone to tap out a quick message before heading to his lab.

“I’m sorry I took away your choice.”

He waited a few moments, but nothing changed, no tiny reassuring type to tell him it had been read. He sighed and pocketed his phone before going to start his day.

His decision was rather unfortunate because had he waited just a few seconds longer he would have seen something much better than an assurance the message had been received. Had he lingered a mere two seconds more, he would have seen the fleeting sign of a message recipient typing.

_Eddie Thawne …._

Before disappearing and leaving yet again:

Message Read.

 

Barry’s mind wasn’t really on the conversation going on around him; to be fair, he hadn’t joined it so much as been dragged into it. No, his mind was resting solidly on the phone in his pocket, his previous message had been read, apparently not long after he’d stopped watching for it, and now he was focused on what his next should be.

He hadn’t gotten a response, and to say that wasn’t the slightest bit disheartening would be a lie. He wasn’t ready to give up yet though, a few lines that may or may not even be getting taken in proper context weren’t going to magically fix what had happened. No matter how much he wished they would already.

Thinking about it made him want to check his phone, yet again. In fact, he just went ahead, pulled it out, and went to set it on the desk so he could check it without having to draw attention to the fact that he *was* checking it. Especially as Iris was already watching him with those hawk-like “I know you’re hiding something” eyes.

He knew that Iris was on a tear to find out what was going on, he also knew that she normally found out what she wanted to know. He’d lost count of the many times he’d heard her voice singing “I know what you’re hiding”, during their childhood.

For the sake of the continued secrecy of his and Eddie’s relationship, if they even still had one (ow that one hurt to consider), he was going to have to watch himself more closely around her. He wasn’t sure how Eddie would feel if he blew their cover, especially with everything going on. Eddie had been just as adamant as he’d been for the need for being discreet when they’d discussed it.

Barry figured he’d been worried about his partner finding out he’d been doing dirty things with his son. Blood or not, Eddie figured Joe would be just as upset about that as he would be about the idea of him dating Iris.

But, that argument had flown out the window a couple months ago, when Joe thought that Eddie was dating Iris. There had been a hellish week where Barry had had to ditch out on Eddie repeatedly to deal with Flash centered problems throughout the city. Naturally, this meant that Iris was hot on his trail in her desire to figure his alter ego out. Joe had put two and two together with his partner ducking out and his daughter being hard to track down, of course, he’d come up with five instead of the correct answer. He’d never thought of Barry’s disappearances at the time, because hell, who knew where Barry ran off to half the time anymore. Maybe he thought that he already knew Barry’s big secret, and was excused from any others.

Whatever the case was, he’d tried to confront the two of them. Barry had been there for it, and it had actually been quite entertaining when he’d realized Joe wasn’t about to out him and regained the ability to breathe. Poor Eddie, confused and slightly terrified while Iris’ face kept contorting; first in confusion, then amusement, and finally anger when her father said he’d try not to shoot him.

Poor Joe at that point. Iris had unleased a tirade upon her bewildered father and that had been the end of that particular idea.

It had proved one thing though, Joe wasn’t exactly happy about it but, he wasn’t going to lose it over the notion either. Which brought a question to mind. Why were they hiding their relationship still?

Had that still been a mutual agreement after that day? Or had that dynamic shifted as well?

To be honest, so much of what Barry thought was going on had turned out to be his own refusal to see past what he’d wanted to, he wasn’t really sure anymore.

What had been his reasoning for still keeping it under wraps? Joe wasn’t an issue anymore, people who were able to find out he was the Flash were certainly able to figure out who he was spending his nights with, and it’s not like at least half of his co-workers didn’t assume he was gay already. Not that that particularly bothered him anyway.

Could your sexuality be person based? Could he identify as Eddie Thawne-sexual?

He pushed that errant thought aside and tried to focus on his original question.

The more he thought about it, the stronger that sinking feeling in his gut got. He remembered times in the not too distant past where he’d gone to let go of Eddie’s hand when they’d run into someone they knew and Eddie had taken a beat longer to let him out of his hold. He hadn’t realized it at the time, too busy wondering if the other person had seen.

“Still nothing?” Iris nodded towards the phone in his hand that he’d never set down.

He looked around, confused for a moment. The others had left and it was only him and Iris, who was currently sitting on the desk in front of him.

“No, and uh, to be honest, the more I think about it, I’m not sure I deserve another chance.”

“Can’t be that bad.” she smiled, “You’re a great guy.”

“No, it can be exactly that bad.” He sighed, leaning back in his chair, “It’s a good thing that crush I had on you way back when wasn’t returned. It turns out I’m a pretty terrible boyfriend.”

“Well,” Iris stood to leave, “for what it’s worth, I hope you get the chance to prove otherwise.”

Barry smiled at her in thanks, the phone in his hand getting heavier as he waited to be alone so he could figure out his next message. When she’d made it out of his field of vision he pulled up his messages and started typing out a new one.

“I’m sorry I kept you as one of my secrets for so long, I never got to show you how proud I was to be with you.”

He went to put his phone back when he noticed the screen change.

_Eddie Thawne …._

He hadn’t quite registered what it was when it disappeared. It didn’t matter though, because for a fleeting moment, Eddie had been trying to reply to him. Maybe he hadn’t found the words, and maybe Barry didn’t want to read what he would have said, but, he’d been connected for a second. He hadn’t told him to stop, and when the screen settled on “Message Read”, those two words were just as beautiful as the first time he’d seen them.

He was getting somewhere, and whether that meant a good thing or a bad, it was better than silence.

 

Barry had spent the remainder of that day trying to dredge up a good enough memory to justify another message. As much as he wanted to throw something out there, see if he could get even just the quick glimpse he’d gotten earlier of Eddie actually reading his words and trying to respond with his own, he didn’t want to mess up what he’d been doing. He needed to stick with raw honesty, and not just reach for a reaction. Unfortunately, the world had conspired to keep him from being able to get a quiet minute to think about anything, let alone dive into some serious memory searching.

Claiming exhaustion he’d finally been able to shut out the demands on his time and lock himself in his room. Light off, he’d settled onto his bed and started sifting through all of his times with Eddie. He needed a strong one, and he finally landed on his last encounter with Snart.

Barry had had a hard time handling Eddie’s disdain for the Flash. Sure, Eddie had no idea that he was venting about the guy to the actual guy; and Barry tried not to take it too personally. Even though, it actually was pretty personal. So when Eddie had risked his life to save him, the Flash him, he’d been flooded with a gambit of emotions that had been difficult to pin down.

Afterwards, at the precinct he’d tried to tell him how amazing he’d been without showing the entire room that he really wanted to climb the man in front of him. And Eddie had waved it off, telling him it had been the Flash, not himself. Then he’d winked and whispered “My place?” when he’d walked by, and Barry had nodded quickly, excited by the prospect of finally getting him alone. Something he’d been thinking about ever since he’d made sure the duo had been secured. Truthfully, ever since he’d flashed Eddie into the wall and out of danger.

And he had been, in danger that is. Barry wasn’t sure how to put into words how that had made him feel. No doubt, he would have been finished if Eddie hadn’t helped him, but Eddie could have easily been the one that was finished in that scenario.

An hour later, he’d made it to the apartment on pure memory, staying lost in his thoughts until the door to Eddie’s was in front of him. He shook off the feeling and knocked before letting himself in.

Eddie was standing in the living room, barefoot and freshly showered, his mouth widened in a broad smile when he saw Barry, who couldn’t help but mirror it.

A wave of emotion was pushing him forward and he really had no choice but to ride it out. He wrapped his arms loosely around Eddie’s neck, his mouth felt like it was going to split from how wide his smile was becoming. He felt giddy, relieved, still slightly terrified, and almost like he would burst apart if his skin weren’t in the way. The English language wasn’t providing him with a way to explain what was going on to the beautiful man in front of him, so he resorted to the next best thing and tried to tell him by using his mouth in other ways.

The kiss was slow, with a heat behind it that promised so much more. Eddie pulled back first, resting his head against Barry’s, who still had his eyes closed. He was breathing in the smell that was Eddie, glad that there was no residue of fire or frost left to it.

“Are you okay?” Eddie’s voice was soft.

“You,” he searched for the words, “You’re amazing.”

“I’m really not.” Eddie laughed lightly, embarrassed, but Barry wasn’t going to let him off that easy.

“No,” he locked eyes with the blue ones across from his, “you really are. You, Eddie Thawne, are remarkable. And I’m going to keep telling you that until you get it.”

Barry pulled himself out of the scene in his mind, because he hadn’t kept that promise either. He grabbed his phone, wanting to get this regret out before he continued the replay.

“I’m sorry I forgot to remind you how remarkable you are.”

He set it back on the nightstand, not waiting to see if Eddie started to respond, opting instead to get back to his thoughts. He wanted to find another message in this one because he couldn’t shake the feeling there was something important here he hadn’t gotten to yet. He closed his eyes, wanting to go through every moment to find it.

After his promise, Eddie had pulled him back for another kiss. Hands that had been loosely placed on shoulders and hips started finding their way under shirts in a search for more. They’d separated long enough to toss the offending clothing off and both moaned softly when their chests met skin to skin.

Barry attempted to undo the belt that was digging into his stomach, but was stopped by a hard to identify feeling that was swelling up in his chest, it wasn’t exactly unpleasant, but it was slightly uncomfortable in its foreign nature.

Fingers weaving their way into his hair and bringing his mouth to a different angle distracted him enough to let it go. All that mattered was the mouth against his, the hips pressing into him. He was being walked to the bedroom, and he hoped Eddie had a better sense of direction than he did, because right now all he could focus on was the feeling of those fingers in his hair and the muscles his own fingers were gripping.

Eddie stopped and Barry realized the edge of the bed was pushing against his legs. He sat down, pulling himself up the bed and kicking his shoes off in the process. Eddie leaned forward, hands deftly undoing Barry’s pants, fingers hooking into the waistband of his underwear and pulling. Barry lifted his hips slightly to help him out.

When they’d been dropped to the floor, Eddie had stood there for a moment, taking him in before he smiled. This wasn’t a smile that should ever be done in public, it was almost predatory and it made his already swollen dick twitch in anticipation. Barry reached into the bedside drawer to grab a slightly slippery bottle and toss it to Eddie who caught it and set it on the bed beside his hip.

He watched as Eddie wrapped a hand around the aforementioned dick, leaning down to tease the head with his mouth before sucking him fully in. His head fell back, a moan escaping his lips. Eddie ran a thumb up the underside, his head moving down to take more of Barry into the hot, wet and amazing place that was his mouth. Barry registered the click of a bottle and then Eddie’s fingers were stroking him, applying just enough pressure to make him groan and try to push against them. The hand that had been aiding Eddie’s mouth moved to cover his hips and keep him still. Eddie’s mouth was gone, but those fingers were slowly pushing into him, stretching and stroking him. He brought his head back up to see Eddie’s eyes fixed on him, those wonderful fingers pulling him apart.

He gasped in protest when they were removed, Eddie standing again and finishing the job on his belt that Barry had started. The last of his clothes discarded, he climbed onto the bed, stroking his cock and spreading the slick fluid still covering his hands. He didn’t take his eyes off Barry when he pushed against him, sliding inside a little at a time, not until he’d gone as far as he could and let out a low moan, eyes closing.

Barry thought the look on Eddie’s face was almost better than the feelings he was currently causing. At least until Eddie started moving again, one hand bracing himself on the mattress, another slid underneath the small of Barry’s back. Those fingers were digging into the flesh there, not that Barry minded.

He’d slid off his elbows, his own fingers grasping at the sheets of the bed as Eddie moved inside of him, sending small bursts of light behind his tightly closed eyelids and moans bitten out behind clenched teeth.

He’d tried to speak, though he wasn’t entirely sure what it was he wanted to say, but that didn’t matter as the words that he was able to get out were only half formed and mixed with pleas for more.

Eddie slowed and before Barry could protest he took the hand he’d been bracing himself with and once again wrapped it around his dick, moving up to the head and varying his pressure just enough to drive him crazy but not over the edge.

“Please.” Barry murmured shakily.

Eddie pushed harder in response, fingers now twisting artfully, thumb massaging and circling the head in a way that had Barry writhing beneath him.

Every sensation seemed to reach a point where Barry wasn’t sure what was causing what anymore and it was all building to one singular feeling. Everything went blank for a moment before rushing back in waves that left him gasping and limp against the mattress. Eddie still moved above him but he couldn’t focus on him. He was still riding out his own small shocks when Eddie fell against his chest, hair damp with sweat against his own slick skin. His fingers found their way into the wet strands, resting against the scalp, too spent to do more.

They’d lay there for a moment, bringing their breathing back under control before Eddie pulled himself up. Barry groaned at the feeling. Eddie dropped a quick kiss on his lips, standing. Barry started to protest but was stopped.

“One minute.” He’d promised, leaving the room.

Barry heard the water turn on in the bathroom sink and let himself relax against the bed, still enjoying the jelly feeling settling into his limbs. Eddie came back, cleaned up and carrying a washcloth. Barry went to take it from him and Eddie pulled it back.

“Let me.”

He nodded and watched as Eddie cleaned him with the damp cloth. That feeling was coming back, the alien one he couldn’t figure out. It got stronger when Eddie climbed back into the bed and pulled him back against his chest, covering them both up before settling his arm over Barry’s hip and stretching up against his chest. He kissed the back of Barry’s neck and squeezed him briefly.

“I think you’re the remarkable one.” He’d whispered.

The feeling was swelling inside of him, words were bubbling up to his lips but died unspoken and he was unsure what they would have even been. He swallowed them back down, and Eddie’s arm tightened again, as though he knew Barry needed something to ground him.

Whatever that pressure had been, it seemed to have reached its peak and Barry started to relax into sleep.

Back in the present, he thought he’d finally figured out what that had been. He picked up the phone and started pressing out the words, hitting send before he could rethink it and second guess.

“I’m sorry I never told you that I loved you.”

Then he broke his rule.

“Because I do, Eddie, I love you so much it physically aches and makes it hard to breathe.”

Not sure he could face a reply or lack of one, he closed the app and put the phone back on the stand, rolling over so his back was to it. Mentally and emotionally exhausted he fell asleep.

His phone on silent, he didn’t hear any notifications that may have popped up. Of those, he would have cared the most about these:

_Eddie Thawne …._

Message Read

_Eddie Thawne …._

“I’m listening now.”


	5. Stars

Barry woke abruptly, covers twisted and sweat soaked shirt clinging to him. There’d been a nightmare, some bad dream that he couldn’t quite pin down; but knew it had something to do with Eddie. Losing Eddie, and it left an ache in his chest that made him curl into himself for a moment. 

His room was still dark, and the clock on his phone told him it was only a little after five am. It also told him he had an unread message. His thumb hovered over it, afraid to open it, afraid that his nightmare was actually coming true. He took a deep breath before lightly tapping the bubble and opening the thread. His breath caught in his throat and he had to resist the urge to start hammering Eddie with messages. He’d gotten so far, and Eddie was listening now. He couldn’t screw this up and say something stupid; but he had to say something. His nightmare still danced around the edges of his mind.

“I’m sorry I took for granted that I could lose you.”

Barry hit send and laid back with a sigh; he wouldn’t be falling back asleep that morning. A slight vibration from his phone got his attention.

“What happened?”

He had a mental image of the confusion and concern that would be etched on Eddie’s face. He didn’t blame the confusion, this was the first apology he’d sent that wasn’t connected to a past memory.

“I dreamt I lost you, it was terrifying.”

The unease that had been weighing on him since he’d woken up hadn’t lessened with Eddie’s reply. If anything, he felt like he was balancing precariously on some edge. Afraid to say the wrong thing and send this spinning off to its end, wanting to maintain this thin hold with something and not being able quiet his mind enough to conjure up a moment to share.

“Tell me a story?”

Barry hit send, someone had to push this, he wasn’t sure he could handle this anxious feeling in his gut much longer. He knew that, but the moments of staring at that silent screen were making his skin crawl.

Eddie Thawne …

His breath stuttered slightly. 

“I’m sorry you’ve had to watch the sunrise by yourself.”

Barry smiled sadly as he read the message. One line, but he knew immediately the story Eddie was telling him. 

It had been a long day, night, hell, long week. He’d been running around cleaning up messes as the Flash left and right, but it was Eddie who was really showing the wear from it all. 

In typical Eddie fashion he’d tried to ease that tension for Barry, ignoring his own. Of course, he didn’t know that Barry had been the one working with the police. He did, however, know that Barry had been pulling all-nighters along with the rest of the department in an effort to bring the criminals in. 

But, with the state of their city lately, and best laid plans being what they normally turn out to be, that hadn’t happened either. 

The intention had been to meet at Eddie’s around nine for dinner and a nice decompression night for the both of them. What actually happened was Barry flashing to Eddie’s front stoop moments after bidding him goodbye as his alter ego, and waiting for his favorite Detective to stumble up the street somewhere near midnight.

He’d jumped up to meet him, smile ready, because if he was honest with himself he always had a smile ready when he saw Eddie.

“I am so sorry.” 

“Don’t be,” Barry waved it off, “I figured when Joe texted me he was going to be late that meant you too. I haven’t been here long, promise.”

Barry’s lips twisted into a devilish grin, “Besides, it’s nice not being the late one for once.”

Eddie half-heartedly punched him in the arm, “One time, Allen, once. Compared to what?”

He quickly dropped his feigned look of pain.

“There’s really no need to get into that now, right?” he steered Eddie towards the door, “We have some decompressing to catch up on.”

“That’s what I thought.” Eddie laughed, following him in to the elevator.

He shook his head at Barry’s near vibrating energy as he unlocked his door and let them inside the apartment.

“I know why I’m wired and jittery,” his hands swept over himself, “too much coffee. How are you not dead on your feet?”

“Can I just be really happy to see you? I feel like I haven’t seen you in a week.” He complained, “I mean, I’ve seen you, obviously I’ve seen you. We work at the same place, and I think all we’ve done this past week is work. So, I’ve definitely seen you-like with my eyes, seen you-“

Eddie’s hand over his mouth stopped the babbling.

“Barry.”

“Yeah” He mumbled through a warm palm.

“If I take my hand off your mouth, do you promise to stop?”

Barry nodded.

“Thank God,” Eddie moved his hand, “As much as I’ve missed you, and as adorable as I usually find your rambling, I just nee-“

Barry covered his mouth this time, only instead of his hand he felt that his lips would be much more enjoyable. For both of them. After a moment of shock, Eddie relaxed into it, bringing his arms to Barry’s waist and stepping further into their shared space.

“Barry?” he murmured confused.

“Hmm?”

“What exactly is poking into me right now?”

He knew Eddie was talking, and that he was even asking him a question; what he didn’t understand was why. There were much better things to be doing with their mouths if Eddie would just stop with the words.

“Barry.” Eddie pulled his face away, edging his hand into the longer hair towards the top of Barry’s head and tightening his grip enough to move Barry’s face away from his. “Focus for a minute.”

“On what?” was his slightly dazed, and oh so clever response.

“What is poking me?”

“Oh, uh, well I am very happy to see you Detective,” He smirked, “but that would be a banana in my pocket.”

“You, why exactly is there a banana in your pocket?”

Barry fished it out, shrugging, “Good source of potassium?”

Eddie laughed.

“I wasn’t sure how long you would be, so I brought a snack.” Barry didn’t see a reason to mention the fact that he’d already in fact eaten much more than a banana, high metabolism and all that.

“That reminds me, I’m starving.” Eddie pulled himself away, relinquishing his hold and heading towards the kitchen, “I’ve got Chinese in here. You in?”

“God yes,” Barry, “Feed me Seymour!”

Eddie arranged the boxes on the island while Barry grabbed plates. 

“Think we’ll manage the whole weekend without getting called in?” He joked, half serious.

“That would be nice wouldn’t it?” Eddie took Barry’s plate and put it in the microwave for him, “I can’t remember the last time that’s happened.”

“Probably, before Star Labs blew up.” Barry took his food from Eddie’s outstretched hands, “Yessss, exactly what I needed.”

“I wasn’t actually around much before then.” Eddie sighed, punching in the numbers for his own food.

“That’s right, you came on the scene right before I left it.” Barry tried to breathe around the still too hot rice he’d just shoved into his mouth.

“Slow down there turbo,” Eddie shook his head, joining him at the island with his own plate, “You’re going to burn your mouth.”

“Don’t know the meaning of the words.” 

“Don’t I know it,” Eddie laughed when Barry frowned, “I didn’t mean it like that babe, don’t get all worked up.”

Barry swallowed thickly, managing a weak smile before he brought it back together and pasted on a mock offended face. His first thought at Eddie’s comment had been a red suit and lightning. A heavy feeling had settled in the pit of his stomach that had nothing to do with inhaling his food. 

“Yeah,” he teased, “I seem to remember you enjoying it when I got all worked up.”

Eddie smiled in reply and for the first time that night Barry really took in how exhausted he was. The smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. His eyes that were not their normal vibrant blue but more of a grey overcast sky. He looked like he was in desperate need of a two day nap. 

“You look like you’re going to keel over,” Barry reached to cover Eddie’s hand with his own, “I promise I won’t be insulted if you just want to crash.”

“As tempting as that is,” Eddie stood and stretched, depositing their plates into the sink, “I don’t think I can sleep yet, too wired.”

Barry nodded, he could understand that, he was having the same issue.

“I don’t think a shower would be out of the question though. I feel like I’ve been wearing these same clothes for days.”

“You do that,” Barry gently steered him away from the sink and towards the bathroom, “I’ll get the dishes. Take your time okay?”

“I’m not gonna argue that Allen,” Eddie turned for a quick kiss, “I promise not to be insulted if you crash in the meantime either.”

Barry waited a minute or so until he heard the shower start and he was sure Eddie was occupied before turning to the sink and speeding his way through. He had a small idea of how to help his favorite member of the precinct relax, and he thought he could pull it off, if he could just convince him to go with it.

Eddie’s organizational skills were exceptionally displayed in his cabinets. Something Barry liked to tease him about, but appreciated at the moment. Using his abilities as little as possible, and keeping an ear to the shower to try and gauge how much time he had left, he’d managed to get everything together before Eddie had stepped out of the bathroom.

“What did I miss?” he questioned.

Barry, standing with a quilt over one shoulder and the large thermos hooked through his fingers smiled.

“Trust me?”

“Implicitly.” Had been Eddie’s immediate reply, Barry squirmed internally but shoved it back.

“Then, and it pains me to say this, throw a shirt on and c’mon.”

Eddie had complied, and followed Barry up the stairs easily enough. The problem came when they’d gotten to the roof access door.

“Barry, I can’t do this. I’m a cop.” Eddie had frowned slightly.

“Exactly,” His lips spread into a wide smirk, “You’re a cop. What are they gonna do? Call you?”

Eddie laughed at the quirked eyebrow, but didn’t move into the open doorway.

“The sign clearly says, no tenants allowed.” He pointed to the metal sign in question.

“Whatever, you know no one actually pays attention to that.” 

Barry needed to pull out the big guns here, Eddie didn’t seem to be budging.

“Please?” He softened his face, pulling off the not quite pouting look. “I promise, we’ll be fine.”

Eddie groaned, but walked through the doorway and onto the roof, following Barry out into the darkness. 

“How can you even see anything up here?”

Barry took Eddie’s hand to guide him forward. The building wasn’t quite high enough to escape all of the light pollution of the city, but it wasn’t far off.

“Give it a minute,” He reassured him, squeezing his hand, “Your eyes will adjust.”

“Is that a couch?” Eddie stopped in front of the battered furniture in confusion.

“See,” Barry flopped himself onto it, grinning, “We aren’t the only deviants in the building then.”

Barry, shook his outstretched hand, “C’mon Detective, don’t make me watch the sunrise by myself.”

“Alright,” Eddie shook his head, “But only because that sounds extremely sad.”

After he’d settled onto the sofa, Barry leaned into his side and threw the quilt over them. Eddie curled his arm around Barry’s shoulders, their feet tangled together on the roof.

“Not that I’m complaining,” He kissed the side of Barry’s head, “but what’s the plan?”

“Just look up for a minute”

Eddie relaxed his head against the back of the couch, Barry leaned into his shoulder and tilted his own eyes up to the stars.

“They’re beautiful.” Eddie murmured. 

“Exactly,” Barry whispered, “after all the noise, and the distractions this last week, I thought maybe we could use some quiet. Some space to breathe.”

“It’s perfect.” The arm around his shoulder tightened, “Thank you Barry.”

Barry brought the hand up to his mouth to kiss the palm before returning it to his chest. He closed his eyes and let the sound of breathing, the rise and fall of his chest, and the warm, slightly spicy scent of Eddie lull him into a relaxed but not quite sleeping state.

“Earlier,” Eddie’s soft voice brought him back, “when you said I came onto the scene not long before you left it?”

Barry nodded, turning his head to look at Eddie, who was still leaning back and staring at the sky.

“Yeah?” Barry laid back into Eddie’s shoulder again.

“I remember when it happened.” 

Noticing the catch in Eddie’s voice he brought his hand to trace aimless designs into his chest. He wasn’t sure why Eddie would be emotional about that memory, they’d barely had a chance to flirt before it happened, and he obviously came out okay in the end; but he could help him relax through it.

“Everything was going crazy. Star Labs had blown, people were hurt, dead. The precinct was trying to be everywhere at once, and you were,” He stopped, taking a slow breath, “Barry, we thought you were dead too.”

Barry moved his hand to Eddie’s opposite side and pulled himself closer, the arm around his shoulders tightened again.

“I wasn’t though,” Barry reassured him, “I’m right here.”

“I sat with you a lot.”

“Really?” Barry hadn’t heard this before.

“Yeah, at first it was the decent thing to do, you know? Your partner’s kid is in a coma, you support your partner.”  
Eddie paused, gathering his thoughts.

“But, the longer I sat there, the more I went with Joe, it changed. I mean, it’s not a secret that I was attracted to you. I’m pretty sure you got it that night after the thief chase, and I was pretty sure that you weren’t against the idea.”

“Surprised? Yeah. Against the idea? Not even close.”

Eddie chuckled softly.

“I felt like I got to know you a little, even though you never said a word.”

Barry groaned, “Do I want to know what Joe and Iris said?”

“It wasn’t bad,” Eddie laughed, “really, I got treated to the highlights of ‘Life with Barry’ is all.”

He sighed before continuing.

“But, as entertaining as it was, I really sat there wishing you would wake up so you could tell me yourself. I wanted to know you so badly, and I felt ridiculous because how did I have the right to be so miserable. I didn’t have those ties to you, it wasn’t my place. That didn’t stop it though, the wish.”

Barry nudged him with his chin.

“I’m sorry you went through that, but I’m glad you decided you wanted to know me.”

“When you woke up, I was stupid, I wanted to say so much more than welcome back. I wasn’t sure how to though. How do you tell a person, I just spent the entire time you were in a coma hearing all about you and I think I have to know all the rest? So, I concocted the workout scheme.”

“That was on purpose?” Barry groaned, “I gotta admit, as much as I would’ve been fine with the first option, I really enjoyed the game.”

“Yeah?”

Barry sat up, scooting himself back on the couch and pulling Eddie with him until they were both laying down, Eddie half sprawled on top of him.

“Definitely.”

Their lips found each other with lazy intent, and they passed the time that way. Softly exploring kisses, hands wandering with no real purpose, occasionally pausing to point out constellations until the base of the horizon started to lighten.

“Here comes your sunrise.” Eddie pulled back and let Barry shift so he was laying more on his side.

They lay there quiet, the sky was still mostly dark but tendrils of color were starting to build through the black. Eddie’s hand was wandering along Barry’s chest. Lightly trailing along the contours. Barry relaxed into him and enjoyed the sensations those wayward fingers were bringing to the surface. Part of him wondered just how far his rule abiding boyfriend would go out here.   
His eyes closed and his head fell back when those nimble hands started tracing an outline of the hardness becoming more prominent against his jeans.

“Why aren’t you watching?” Eddie murmured against the skin of his neck, hand now moving with definite pressure.

Barry groaned softly, teeth biting into his lip to keep the sound contained; but opened his eyes again. 

Brilliant colors were lighting up the sky, invading the inky darkness above. Eddies hand had flicked open his pants, button and zipper not proving a problem for his insistent boyfriend. The air was cool against his heated flesh before that hand covered him, making his breathing ragged. He struggled to keep his eyes open against the feeling.

He wasn’t sure if the sunrise had ever been quite so vivid before. Pinks, yellows, blues, and greens of all shades were bleeding together and filling up the spaces between buildings in the skyline. Too soon they would settle into varying shades of blue, but right now, Barry could see all the colors that made up their sky, and it was beautiful.

He was wrapped in sensations, Eddie’s hot breath against his neck, his fingers flexing and contorting around him, the brilliant colors before him. He felt it all, and it was too much. 

“Let it go for me Barry.” The words whispered against his ear, “I’ve got you.”

In their time together, Eddie had pulled many different kinds of orgasms from Barry. From quiet, secretive encounters that required silence to violent thrashings that raced like lightning through him. He didn’t think he’d ever achieved this one though.

Can an orgasm be described as soft? Because right now he felt like his entire body was being bathed in warmth. He felt it from the solid body behind him, the light building in front of him and the nerves coming alive inside of him. Felt it wash over him like a long sigh.

Eddie kissed the juncture of his neck and shoulder softly, holding him tightly until he sagged against his chest.

“Sorry about your shirt,” he’d chuckled.

Barry leaned forward enough to pull it off, cleaning Eddie’s hand before dropping it onto the rooftop in front of them. 

“It’s no problem,” his words slightly slurred, “I don’t think I can be cold right now anyway.”

Eddie laughed.

“You were right,” he murmured against Barry’s hair.

“About?” he’d settled back into Eddie’s arms, the sky already losing its colorful hues and blurring into whites and blues.

“Not watching the sunrise alone.”

“Well,” Barry twisted to find Eddie’s lips with his own, “don’t have to worry about that anymore, do we?”

Eddie caught his mouth in a slow kiss, teeth pulling lightly at the soft skin.

“No.” He smiled against him, “Not anymore.”

The light was beginning to filter through his windows and chase away the remembered feeling of laying there with Eddie, being wrapped in him and the possibilities that were being opened up between them.

Barry sighed and resigned himself to leaving the bed. Still, he couldn’t lose the small smile that played at the corner of his lips. Eddie was talking to him again.


	6. Smile

The after memory haze had carried Barry through his morning routine and up until his walk to work. For the first time that week he felt a warm tendril of real promise start to flare in his chest. It warred with the constant feeling of loss and unbalance. He wanted to reply, needed to reply, but what Eddie had shared deserved the right response. He owed him that much, and he was taking the time to find it.

He’d left earlier than usual to take a scenic route, hoping something would jog his brain and help him figure out what it was he wanted to say and how best to do it.

Inspiration came in the simplest form, he almost overlooked it. A little girl in sunshine yellow galoshes haphazardly tripped down the street, her mother apologized when she’d ran into him, nearly losing the balloon she’d clutched tightly in her fingers. Barry caught the tail end of the ribbon and smiled at her fervent thank you as he handed it back.

He really could’ve have slapped himself, and mentally he totally did, at how simple it was. Eddie had already begun it, he just needed to finish out that day.  Watching the red balloon bob down the street, still attached to the little girl now holding her mother’s hand, he went back to a similar scene. He couldn’t start there though, he had to go back to the beginning of that memory. Waking up intertwined with Eddie.

 

They’d dozed until the sun had risen enough to make the quilt and body heat uncomfortable. Barry had woken up to find Eddie’s blue eyes once again clear and studying him intently. Maybe he wasn’t the only one who liked to wake up first, he’d thought to himself.

“Good morning,” he’d said instead, stretching as much as he could in his position. “Did you sleep?”

“Some,” Eddie shifted so Barry could flex his arm that had been trapped, “Enough at least.”

“Why didn’t you wake me up? We could have moved to the bed. You couldn’t have been comfortable.”

“The couch definitely leaves something to be desired,” Eddie smiled, fingers tracing Barry’s jaw, “but the company, and the view, more than make up for it.”

“I’m not exactly minding the view either,” Barry teased, running his hands along Eddie’s sides and pulling him so Eddie was fully on top of him.

All in all, it was shaping up to be a fantastic morning and things were just beginning to heat up in a way that had nothing to do with the sun when Barry suddenly pulled away.

“What time is it?”

Eddie shook his head at the abrupt turn of events but checked his watch, “Little after two, why?”

“Wanna go to a carnival with me?” Barry smiled with such childlike enthusiasm Eddie laughed.

“Yeah,” he nodded, smiling broadly himself, “let’s go to a carnival.”

He stood, gathering up the quilt and offering his hand to Barry who grabbed the forgotten thermos on his way up.

“What was in that anyway?” Eddie gestured toward the bottle.

“Oh, I made hot chocolate last night while you were in the shower. In case we got cold.” He shrugged, “Turned out, we didn’t really need it.”

Eddie took the thermos and twisted off the top, inhaling deeply.

“You remembered the spices.” He took a sip, “Mmm, and the vanilla. Dark chocolate and the chili powder is perfect. Still good cold.”

Barry chuckled, “I’m glad you like it.”

“You remembered my grandmother’s recipe.” Eddie’s smile was soft, “How did you have time to make this? I wasn’t in the shower that long.”

“Why wouldn’t I remember it, and it really didn’t take that long; your organizational skills are insane.” He teased lightly.

“Hey, lay off the cabinets!” Eddie walked through the door Barry had held open, “I mentioned that recipe once, in passing.”

Barry stopped outside the apartment door.

“Yeah, but you got that look when you did.”

“Look?”

“Yeah, the faraway look. The one where you’re remembering something.” Barry raised his hand to the side of Eddie’s face, “I’ve spent a lot of time studying this face and I file it all away. I see you Detective.”

Eddie swallowed slowly, and Barry wasn’t entirely sure if they’d make it out of the apartment with the look he was giving him. If he didn’t act now, he wasn’t sure if he’d fight it either.

No, they needed time away from this apartment, hell this city. He shook the mental images of what they could be doing out of his mind and ventured through the door in search of shoes.

“Grab your keys.” He called out to Eddie who was changing into jeans in the bedroom.

“Keys? Where is this carnival you speak of?”

“Far enough away we need the car, and far enough away we can just be ourselves without worrying about being found out.” Barry smiled at the thought of being able to just be, be out on a date with his boyfriend without the secrecy.

Eddie came into the living room, mirroring Barry’s happiness.

“So, if I want to hold your hand?”

“Totally doable.”

Eddie walked closer.

“And, if I want to kiss you?”

His arms were loosely wrapping around Barry’s waist and pulling him forward.

“Highly encouraged.” Barry closed the distance between them, pouring all his current want and excitement into the kiss. “As often as humanly possible please.”

Eddie smiled against his lips, “Let’s get going then.”

 

After a trip to retrieve some needed caffeine they’d finally hit the road around four, which was perfect for Barry’s plans. It would take just over an hour to get to their destination and everybody over the age of twelve knew that carnivals were best after dark.

“You’re distracting me.” Eddie said without taking his eyes off the road.

“Oh, sorry,” Barry pulled his hand back from Eddie’s.

“No, not that, I was enjoying that.” Eddie reached out to grab the hand back and held it on the middle console, “The staring on the other hand...”

“Yeah,” Barry smiled, “That’s not gonna stop.”

“And when we get into an accident, because I couldn’t concentrate on the road?”

“I will happily tell the paramedics how my dead sexy boyfriend was distracting me and I couldn’t stop staring long enough to warn him about the turn.”

Eddie laughed, pulling Barry’s hand up to his mouth to brush a kiss against the knuckles.

A loud growl broke through the silence.

“Was that your stomach?” Eddie glanced at him, shocked.

“Uh, yeah. I guess so.” Barry’s ears were tinged red.

“Seriously? We ate an hour ago, you’re a bottomless pit.” Eddie shook his head, “Do you want me to stop?”

Barry contorted his upper body into the backseat, returning with a protein bar and a triumphant grin.

“Nah, this’ll hold me.”

Eddie twisted his face into disgust, like he did every time Barry ate one of Cisco’s bars. He claimed they smelled weird.

“Besides,” Barry smiled in anticipation, “I’m looking forward to all the deep fried twinkies and snickers.”

“That’s disgusting Barry.”

“Yeah, okay, see how you feel once you taste it Mr. Food Snob.” Barry halfheartedly poked him in the shoulder, ‘And I know for a fact, that you have a weak spot for cotton candy.”

“Spun sugar,” Eddie defended, ‘Is nowhere near the league of deep fried junk food.”

Barry just smirked in reply.

“I’m not eating it, Barry.”

“We’ll see about that,” Eddie was slightly worried about the glint in Barry’s eye, “I have my ways.”

They’d spent the remainder of the trip relatively quiet, Barry mentally and occasionally vocally cataloguing everything he wanted to tempt Eddie into trying and Eddie not entirely sure if he should be scared or intrigued.

“Wow, what carnival is this?” Eddie whistled as they pulled up to the large tract of land currently covered in rides and booths.

“Largest traveling carnival in the country,” Barry was bouncing on the heels of his feet, “When I found out it was coming through, I knew we had to go. C’mon already!” He gestured to Eddie still sitting in the car, “Let’s go!”

His energy and excitement were contagious and Eddie found himself smiling wide enough that it was slightly painful. Barry grabbed his hand as soon as he’d finished locking the doors and half dragged him to the entrance.

“So, the big decision,” Barry looked between the game booths and rides, “Do we do games first, or rides?”

Eddie shrugged, “I honestly have no preference,” he pulled Barry in for a quick kiss, “I’m just enjoying the fact that I can do that, and that look on your face.”

“What look?”

“The one like a kid who’s been given the keys to a candy store.”

Barry ignored the laughter and contemplated the choice before him.

“I say games.” He nodded, “Games first, then food,” Eddie groaned, “And rides after. When it’s dark.”

“Lead on, oh fearless leader, “Eddie gestured forward, bowing dramatically, “I put my evening in your hands.”

“And people call me the dork…” Barry sighed, but pulled Eddie toward the brightly lit booths and barkers.

He stopped in front of one with hanging paper targets and large stuffed giraffes. Eddie picked up the gun, turning it over in his hand.

“So, what, we shoot the targets?”

“Uh, yeah, that’s the basic idea.” He handed the money over, nodding.

“You know I’m going to smoke you in this right?” Eddie smirked.

“Oh yeah?” Barry’s own smile widened, “Confident are we?”

“At this?” Eddie laughed, “Barry, I’m a cop. You’re in forensics. I think I’m pretty safe.”

Barry turned to face him, swinging the gun in his direction.

“Whoa, or maybe not safe exactly.” He grabbed the barrel of Barry’s gun and pointed it away from him, “These aren’t loaded, loaded right?”

“Ha, ha, it’s just bb’s.”

“Still, could we point at the targets?” Eddie smirked, “You’ll take your eye out.”

“Oh, you’re a comedic genius.” Barry raised his eyebrow, “And really cocky, care to make a wager?”

“What would this wager be?”

“There was a bar on the way in, loser buys.”

Eddie nodded, “Okay, loser buys,” he paused before his smile turned slightly evil, “and sings.”

“Sings,” Barry’s voice cracked, “Iris told you?”

“Told me what?” Eddie’s attempt at innocent was fairly believable.

“Nothing.” Barry stood squaring his shoulders against the target, “Fine, loser buys…and sings.”

“Okay, so what am I shooting, just the star?”

“Nope, you are shooting the star out of the target.” Barry side eyed Eddie, “Or, more accurately, you’re going to watch me shoot the star out of the target.”

“Pretty confident, but then again, I’d be trying my best to win if I hated singing in front of people too.”

“I knew it!” Barry shook his head, “That was years ago, and I’ll have you know, Caitlin dragged me into karaoke not long ago and I actually made it through a bit before I got her off the stage.”

“But not the whole thing.”

“Shut up, Thawne.”

Eddie lined up his shot…a few inches higher than the star and to the left.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m sorry, I think asking for tips is against the spirit of a wager.”

Barry shook his head, “Well if your aim is that bad,” Eddie squeezed off a few shots that were definitely not near the star itself, “I’m pretty sure you’ll be the one up on stage, babe.”

Eddie shrugged and Barry went back to his target. He had 100 shots to get the star out of the paper and he was pretty sure he could do it. He wasn’t the best shot, but he just had to aim and he figured the best strategy would be to shoot a circle around the star itself. The paper seemed to be standard and the star was around an inch in diameter. Simple.

He heard Eddie firing beside him but decided against looking and opted instead to start on his own.

His first shot landed nowhere near where he’d aimed it, he adjusted and tried again but his shots were not lining up with his intent. After his fifth wayward bb he was pretty sure the gun had been rigged, and comforted by the fact that if his was rigged, Eddie’s was too, he opened fire and hoped he could get at least more than his boyfriend.

When his gun was spent he was happy to see that he’d managed to slightly mangle the star, he turned to see Eddie’s progress and his smile turned to shock when he saw an empty circle in the middle of Eddie’s target.

“How…the gun…was rigged.” Barry stumbled, “Was yours rigged?”

“The barrel? Yeah, it was bent. Just had to adjust to the new angle and zero it is all.”

“Oh, was that, that was all then.” Barry dripped sarcasm.

Eddie laughed, pointing out the prize he wanted.

“Aw, don’t be sad, babe.” Eddie smiled, holding out the giraffe, “I got you something.”

“Yeah, thanks.” Barry took the offered animal.

Eddie could see the hint of a smile behind Barry’s stony expression.

“I’ll even try something that should never be immersed in grease, yet has been battered and deep fried.” He offered, slipping his palm against Barry’s and threading their fingers together.

“Yeah?”

“Your choice.” Eddie grimaced at the thought.

Barry nodded enthusiastically, scanning the area for the best deep fried concoction he could find.

“Hey,” Eddie bumped their hands into Barry’s hip, “you’re not actually upset about the game are you?”

“Nah,” Barry paused his search, “kind of in awe actually.”

“Awe? Of what exactly.”

“Well,” Barry turned to face him, eyes sweeping around them before remembering he didn’t have to do that here, “my boyfriend is kind of a badass.”

“I’m not sure I’d go that far.”

“I think I’d go exactly that far,” Barry stepped further into their shared space, capturing Eddie’s lips for a slow kiss, “Detective Badass.” He hummed against Eddie’s lips, “I like it.”

Eddie laughed, stepping back.

“Alright, Allen, let’s find that heart attack you insist I have to have.”

“Trust me, you’ll love it.” Barry smiled broadly, pulling him toward the food booths.

Eddie groaned behind him, but it was halfhearted at best.

Barry deposited him at a picnic table and left with a promise Eddie would love what he brought back. He returned with two paper containers and one plastic cup that seemed to be filled with fried dough, ice cream, and some kind of soda. Two bottles of water were peeking out of the pockets of his jacket.

“Okay,” he straddled the bench beside Eddie, naming the foods as he set them down, “we’ve got deep fried sriracha, something called amazeballs, and deep fried coke to wash it all down.”

Eddie eyed the cup suspiciously.

“And, well, water bottles, “Barry pulled them out of his pocket, “to actually wash it down.”

 Eddie picked up the sriracha balls container, tilting his head in question.

“Trust me?”

“I trust you,” Eddie was moving the container around, considering the contents, “it’s this I’m not so sure of.” Eddie sighed, setting the food down and picking up a fork, “But, I said I would, so here goes.”

He put one of the deep fried sriracha’s in his mouth, chewing hesitantly. Barry was watching him for signs of approval or disgust. Eddie finished the first one, and set his fork down.

“Well?” Barry waved his hands, impatient.

“They’re…actually,” Eddie smiled, “Okay, they’re good, Allen.”

“Yes!” Barry pumped his fist before shoving one of the foods in question into his own mouth. “I knew it. Stick with me, baby, I’ll show you all the good stuff.” He winked and Eddie laughed.

Eddie had been more open to the other things he’d brought back, and after agreeing that bacon and chocolate cake had every business being combined and deep fried he’d been ready to dive into the fried coke.

“Alright,” Eddie turned the cup to look from different angles, “how, exactly, does one fry a soda?”

“Don’t question it,” Barry took the cup from his hands, “just enjoy it.”

They’d scooted closer, both still straddling the bench seat, so their knees were touching and they could lean in easily.

Barry scooped up some of the fried dough, taking care to make sure both some of the cola and ice cream made it on to the spoon. He held the spoon up to Eddie’s mouth, Eddie smiled and opened to accept the proffered melting dessert.

He chewed slowly, eyes closing and a slight moan escaping him that made Barry’s mouth run dry.

“That good huh?” His voice cracked.

Eddie opened his eyes, realization creeping into them as a slight blush colored his cheeks.

“It’s not bad.” His words were easy but his hands were twitching to take the cup.

“Oh, so, you wouldn’t mind if I just finished it then?”

“Now, I didn’t say that.” Eddie made a move for the fried coke that Barry deflected.

“No, it’s okay, I understand if you’re uneducated taste buds just can’t appreciate-“

Barry was suddenly cut off by Eddie leaning forward to silence his mouth with his own. Distracted and rather enjoying the change in activity, Barry set the cup on the table next to him so he could rest his hands on Eddie’s hips instead. He could taste the dessert on Eddie’s lips and ran his tongue along their crease to open him up and get more, but Eddie bit lightly into his bottom lip, scraping his teeth against it as he pulled back.

“Thanks Barry.”

He had used the distraction to grab the cup and was smirking as he dug out another spoonful.

“Cheater!” Barry tried to sound angry, but his laughter made it difficult to maintain.

“I never said I wouldn’t share.” Eddie held out a spoon laden with the deep fried concoction that Barry happily accepted.

They’d spent the remainder of the waning afternoon sitting at the picnic table, trading bites and enjoying the ability to be so close without worrying about appearances. When the cup was long empty and they’d finished their water, the lights were coming on all over the grounds and Barry insisted it was time for rides.

On the way to the big rides, Eddie pulled them to a stop in front of a small tent.

“What’s goin’ on babe?” Barry looked around to try and find the reason for stopping.

“Let’s give it a try.” Eddie pointed their joined hands towards the tents opening.

Barry read the sign and frowned.

“Palm readings? Really?” He looked at Eddie and eyed the tent with skepticism.

“Yeah,” Eddie shrugged, “could be fun.”

Barry seriously doubted it would be fun, more like an absolute waste of money and time they could spend riding deathtrap machines; but, Eddie had gone along with everything he’d suggested so far, he figured he could extend the same.

“Yeah, okay, we can do that.” Barry decided the smile Eddie gave him in response was worth the fake he’d have to endure.

“So you’ve finally decided then?” A woman’s voice carried through the opening, “Well, come on, no need to block the walkway.”

Eddie pulled him into the tent.

“Hi,” he addressed the woman, “I’m-“

“No, that’s okay dear, it’s better just to sit and let me get started.” She gestured to the chairs sitting across the table from her.

They’d settled into the chairs and while Eddie listened in rapt attention to the explanation of what she would be doing Barry took in the tent. It was big enough for the table and three chairs, along with two small bookcases and an old wooden trunk. The bookcases held a handful of crystals and herbs nestled between the well-worn books. Her table had a soft gray cloth covering it, no crystal ball thankfully, but a cone incense burner and small wooden box took up one side. The box was carved with delicate lines blending into wide gashes.

“Barry?” Eddie looked concerned.

“Yeah, no, sorry. I was lost there for a minute.” He flashed a look of apology at the woman who smiled indulgently at him.

“A curious mind is nothing to apologize for, I dare say it’s required in your line of work.”

Barry nodded, wondering just what all he’d missed of their conversation. Eddie seemed pleased with her comment and turned to address her again.

“What do you suggest for me?”

The woman picked up the wooden box and opened it revealing cards wrapped in a silky fabric.

“For you, I think a three card spread would be enough to answer your question.”

She placed the deck of Tarot cards onto the table between them.

“Cut the deck if you would dear.”

Barry settled back into this chair and watched Eddie’s serious expression. The woman gathered the cards again.

She laid the first card down, “Your past,” a second joined the table, “your present,” now she laid a third, “and your future.”

Barry had no idea what the cards meant, but he studied them all the same.

“This,” she pointed to the first card, “is a reversed two of cups. You’ve had bad experiences with relationships in the past, but now is the time to let those go if you want to move forward.”

Eddie nodded, completely taken in.

“Your present, ten of cups, reversed, you will need to speak from your heart. Lay out any feelings you’ve held in. You must not internalize them anymore that is the only way to save what you are holding on to so tightly.”  

Her finger tapped the third card.

“Your future, and answer to the question that brought you in here. The Tower. You are facing upheaval, disorder. There are truths that will be laid bare and tear down what you hold as right.”

Eddie frowned.

“Don’t be too upset, there is a light at the end of this tunnel, what is left when the tower falls is often times stronger than what you had before.”

Eddie nodded again, seeming to understand whatever it was those cards had supposedly said.

“And you?” she asked, gathering the cards again, “Would you like a reading?”

Barry shook his head, “No, that’s okay, I’m good.” He wasn’t so sure that letting a psychic into his mind, fake or not, was a good idea. “Ready for some rides?” he stood, extending his hand to Eddie.

“Definitely.” Eddie smiled, Barry noticed it wasn’t as light hearted as it had been before the reading, but he followed him out of the tent, thanking the woman as they left.

The sun had fully set and the carnival was a hive of flashing lights and sounds. Barry breathed it in and turned to Eddie who seemed lost in thought.

“You okay?” he tugged their hands gently to get his attention.

“Yeah,” Eddie shook his head, “where to next?”

Barry squeezed the hand holding onto Eddies and used his other to gesture towards the rides, games, and people crowding around.

“I’m thinking start here” he pointed to the swings, “and work our way around to there, “he swung his hand to point to the ferris wheel, “what’s a date to the carnival without riding the ferris wheel and making out like teenagers?”

Eddie laughed, the heavy mood lifted.

“Alright, Barry.” He leaned over to drop a quick kiss on him, “Lead on.”

Barry didn’t need any more encouragement and dragged him over to the line for the swings, talking a mile a minute about the best one to try and grab.

They worked their way through the line of rides Barry had pointed out. By the time they’d made it to the ferris wheel Eddie seemed to have let the encounter in the tent go. Making out like teenagers and pointing out landmarks far in the distance had certainly helped.

With the carnival closing down for the night they’d made a last call for cotton candy and headed out to the car laughing and still riding out the high from their day.

“Barry.” Eddie paused, arms on the top of the car.

“Yeah?” Barry mirrored his position on the passenger’s side.

“Thank you, this was great idea.”

Barry smiled in response, opening his door and sliding into his seat.

“It’s not over yet.” Barry buckled his belt and grimaced slightly.

“What do you meant?” Eddie asked confused as he started the car and pulled out of the spot.

“Well, remember that bar we saw on the way in? I’ve still got a bet to settle.”

Eddie laughed, “You don’t have to, I’m okay with it, really.”

“No,” Barry sighed, “A bets a bet, and anyway, I could definitely go for some greasy bar food.”

“I’m pretty sure we’ve eaten enough grease for a lifetime already.” Eddie shrugged, “But, nachos do sound amazing.”

“It’s settled then,” Barry resigned himself, “to the bar for greasy food and public humiliation.”

Eddie shook his head, smiling, at the dramatics taking place next to him.

 

The bar wasn’t too large, but as they found a table near the front and ordered their food, people started filling in the empty tables around them. It seemed they weren’t the only ones who’d decided to stop by the bar after leaving the carnival. Barry was starting to get nervous as more people came in, his anxiety peaking when he remembered he couldn’t even rely on good old fashioned drunk confidence.

He’d snagged the song book and was looking through it, if he was going to do this, he was going to find a song that was worth it. A song to talk to Eddie. The man in question had finished his nachos and was applauding the latest brave soul to take the karaoke stage.

“Did you pick a song yet?” Eddie asked.

“Not yet.” Barry sighed.

“Really babe, it’s okay if you don’t want to. It’s between you and me, nobody to impress.”

“I know,” he smiled at Eddie, “I want to.”

He’d just about given up on finding the perfect song and was about to start looking for a song he at least knew he wouldn’t mess up when he finally came across it.

“Okay, got it.” He stood, taking the book back and filling out the form.

He wasn’t sure if he was hoping for there to be several people in front of him, or to get up there and get it over with faster. He never got a chance to find out either, as before he’d even gotten back to his table he heard his name being announced. Taking a deep breath and flashing a reassuring smile at Eddie he changed his course and stepped up to the stage instead.

He wasn’t entirely certain he wanted to imagine the audience in their underwear, but there was one person in particular he wouldn’t mind. He fixed his eyes on Eddie, trying to forget that anyone else existed in their space at the moment. This was a message for him. The music had reached the point where he would need to chime in, so he swallowed and sang for him.

“Nobody knows it…but you’ve got a secret smile, and you use it…only for me.”

It was easy when he just focused on Eddie, who was now wearing that smile. The words flowed and he felt a rush of emotions for the blond haired man across the room.

 

Barry pulled himself out of the memory, he’d made his way to the precinct without even paying attention. His phone was heavy in his hand and he let his fingers tap out his reply.

“Thank you for your smile, I’m sorry I stopped seeing it.”

Message Read.


	7. Sunrise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry, for those who read and had to wait two years for this, so sorry. After two years of serious depression, I finally dug myself out and got my sunshine boys to the end here. SO, this is it, this is the final chapter. My first ever, finished multi-chapter fic. Thank you for the comments and kudos, you guys are awesome.

Barry loved his job. Being the Flash, the rush of the speed, capturing bad guys, and knowing he was keeping the city he loved safe, had its perks. He couldn’t, and wouldn’t even try, to deny that.

But, following evidence, coaxing out the story of what happened, well, that was pretty amazing in its own right. The science and the logic of it all, pieces fell together and he got to follow that trail right to the heart of it. He mostly did it alone. He worked with the police force, yes, but it wasn’t really that much of a team effort. He found the evidence and gave his reports to the guys in blue who would finish off the edges of that puzzle he’d started solving.

Then Eddie had come along. Eddie didn’t just want the reports, he spent as much time in Barry’s lab as he did out on the streets and Barry let him. He asked questions, wanted to understand the science, the reasoning behind it. He’d insinuated himself into Barry’s space and the absence of him made the whole room feel cold.

Barry traced his finger along the edge of the table of equipment in front of him and heard the faint laughter of a memory. Eddie was everywhere and nowhere all at once.  

When Eddie had first started poking into the lab, Barry had felt a slight annoyance at the idea the Detective didn’t trust his abilities. Eddie won him over with an eagerness to understand, and now, Barry could see it for what it was.

Eddie wasn’t unintelligent, at all. He also wasn’t all that into science that went beyond the fiction aspect, either. Barry hadn’t minded, he had other avenues for that kind of a connection and when it came to Eddie’s own unique smarts, he hadn’t exactly been able to keep up either. Judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree and all that.

No, Eddie had been trying to engage him on his own turf. Maybe he’d sensed a skittishness in Barry that said come to me, I won’t go to you. Not an unfair assessment, he supposed. How long had he held a torch for Iris? Barry wasn’t sure of many times he’d actually been the one to step out onto limbs. There were reasons, of course, a psychologist's wet dream worth of analyzing could be done on reasons.

Didn’t change the end result at all, though.

He was trying to concentrate on the case in front of him but there was a trophy on his desk. Nothing fancy, just a cheap, plastic golden hand that was supposed to be a high five. He remembered the day it had taken up residence, and because that was a much better mental place than the reality in front of him, he closed his eyes and tried to re-live it from all angles.

It had been a good week. One of those rare hiatus moments when the city was calm and it almost seemed like real life again, before the lab blew them into the comic book they currently starred in.

Barry was pretty certain that Eddie had captured a cloud, not a wispy one but a dense one like a cumulonimbus, wrapped it in a sheet and proclaimed it a bed. The light was beginning to bleed in through the windows and he closed his eyes against the warmth, enjoying the feeling of being engulfed in the softness of the mattress combined with the weight of a sleeping Eddie beside him. All in all, he was really starting to understand the phrase “Easy like Sunday Morning”.

A hand sliding against his chest brought him out of the light doze he’d settled into. He watched Eddie as he shifted up onto his elbow with a lazy smile.

“Good morning.”

Barry brought his hand up to Eddie’s face, intending to show him just how good a morning it could be when they were interrupted by a violent growl from his stomach. Eddie laughed and pulled back, sliding out from under the covers.

“Where are you going?”  

“Breakfast.”

Barry started to pull himself away from the cloud but Eddie raised a hand to stop him.

“No, you stay. I’m bringing it back here.”

Not needing much convincing, Barry let himself sink into the softness again. The sounds of the city waking up around them were muted to a pleasant hum that mixed well with the sounds coming from the kitchen, the smell of coffee and eggs with sugar made him smile. Eddie was making swedes, he wasn’t sure this morning could get any better really. He contemplated getting up to watch because Eddie made the best face every time he managed to successfully get one from pan to plate and twisted without touching it with his hands. However, knowing his boyfriend’s speed at this task due to using multiple pans at a time, Barry figured he had about ten minutes to wait and he was okay with that.

He remembered the first time Eddie had introduced him to the breakfast.

“Swedes? As in the people who live in Sweden?”

Eddie had assured him that he wasn’t serving up Swedish citizens but instead, a very thin type of pancake slathered in butter and sugar then rolled up and devoured shamelessly.

“It’s what my grandmother always called them.” He’d stated with a shrug. “Every year, on Christmas, we’d stay there and on the first morning we woke up to swedes, the second waffles.”

“What about the third?”

“Make it yourself, why are you still here.” Eddie’s imitation of his grandfather had been gravelly and thinly veiled with laughter.

Eddie interrupted the memory with a cup of coffee and plate that Barry took from him happily, inhaling the aroma while Eddie went to retrieve his own. He looked up when he felt the weight dip on the other side of the bed.

“Thank you, babe. This is perfect.”

They settled into a quiet routine with the occasional groan of appreciation from Barry breaking up the clinking of silverware on plates. Shoulders bumping, first on accident and then with growing purpose until the plates had been abandoned and Barry had Eddie pinned beneath his hips.

“I win” he declared, sweeping his arms in a wide arc.

A wide arc that happened to make contact with the now lukewarm coffee on the nightstand, his hands curved in just the right way to send it careening onto the mattress and himself.

“Um..oops?” Barry quirked his shoulders, Eddie sighed.

“Allen…there is coffee soaking into my bed and your clothes.”

“Yeah, okay. A shower is definitely in order.” Barry paused, “Any chance of a double? We really should conserve water, y’know.”

Eddie barked out a laugh.

“I think I’m needed out here to save the ‘cloud’ as you call it.”

“I can see the logic, but have you considered-”

“Allen? The shower is that way.” Eddie pointed towards the bathroom and Barry gave up with a roll of his eyes.

 

He may have spent more time than necessary under the spray, just to give Eddie a chance to change his mind. When he came out of the bathroom he realized that had been a futile effort, Eddie was standing in the living room, sheet in hand and lost in the television. They must have left the media server streaming after they went to bed; because it had ran through the episodes they’d been watching and straight into the downloads he had for his and Iris’ Disney marathon.

Barry stood, taking in his goof of a boyfriend who was absolutely absorbed by Sleeping Beauty. He considered ways to announce his presence and decided that go big or go home was a good motto for the moment.

Stepping forward he tossed the sheet to the side, grabbing Eddie into a wide sweeping dance.

“I know you I walked with you once upon a dream,” Barry sang, “I know you, that look in your eyes is so familiar a gleam.” Eddie’s confusion had melted into a grin and he’d relaxed into the lazy circles Barry was leading him through. When they coasted to a stop Barry’s eye’s fell on the sheet he’d tossed aside and a great idea began to take root.

“Hey, babe?” Barry asked.

“Yeah?”

“You make the snacks, I got the venue.”

Eddie looked like he wanted to question further but instead nodded and headed for the kitchen.

“And no peeking!” Barry called out after him.

Once he was sure Eddie was safely out of sight, Barry surveyed the living room looking for anchors and the perfect site to begin building. He was definitely going to need more sheets…and pillows.

When Eddie returned with kettle corn and drinks Barry had transformed the living room into a sheet fort. He’d moved the tall lamp behind the couch, using it to hold the ceiling of the sheet and various books and other objects scattered around to pull the sides out. There were pillows and an extra blanket piled on the couch, the tv had been pulled closer as well. Eddie could see the screen paused on the older Disney logo.

“Is that?”

“Of course.” Barry patted the couch beside him, “We couldn’t have a Disney marathon without your favorite.”

“I haven’t seen Sword in the Stone in forever!” Eddie practically bounced into his seat, mirroring Barry who was leaning against the opposite arm rest, their legs tangled together.

They spent the rest of the day watching movies, changing position and occasionally having rousing sing-a-longs when they’d reached Mulan. As Robin Hood began to wind down they’d found themselves both lying down. Barry on his back and Eddie against the back of the couch using Barry’s chest as a pillow.

“Hey, Bar?” Eddie poked his chest and looked up, propping himself on his elbow.

“Yeah?”

“This is an awesome fort.”

“I know, right.” Barry smirked, “I build the absolute best forts, just ask Iris.”

Eddie’s eyes sparkled and his mouth widened.

“I have an idea!” he blurted, planting a quick kiss on Barry’s surprised mouth before jumping up and heading towards the bedroom.

Barry pulled himself into a sitting position just as Eddie came back with the high five trophy in his hands and a look of satisfaction on his face.

“I wasn’t sure I still had it,” he presented it to Barry, “I didn’t have time to engrave it, but, a trophy for the builder of forts.”

“I humbly accept.” Barry grinned, taking the trophy and looking it over. He leaned forward to steal a kiss, “Thank you.”

 

Back in the present day, Barry picked up the trophy and turned it over in his hands, thinking. There was an idea there, barely formed, an inkling of a plan.

He was going to get Eddie back.

Grabbing his jacket, he typed out a number and held the phone to his ear.

“Hey, Cisco, I need to borrow your projector. I’m on my way now…and maybe some sheets.”

 

The sun was setting as he put the finishing touches on the fort. It’d been a little more difficult as he was building it outside, on a roof, but he’d managed to make it fairly decent. The second sheet was hung on the wall he’d moved the couch to face. The projector set up behind it, plugged in the media server with all of his Disney movies queued up.

He pulled out his phone to message Eddie, he knew he was putting a lot on faith that Eddie would even come up here; but at least he knew Eddie was home. He’d seen him coming in earlier from the street.

“Meet me on the roof? I’ll supply the snacks and venue.”

Message Read

……..

Barry watched the moving dots, trying to find that confidence he’d had earlier that this would work.

“Okay.”

Okay, well, that was less enthusiastic as Barry’d hoped, but, it was something. At least Eddie was coming right?

Barry paced in front of the couch, trying not to look at the door and mentally do the math of how long ago Eddie should’ve reached it. He’d just about reached the conclusion that he’d pushed too far when it creaked open. Eddie stepped out, looking as though he was still debating whether or not he was supposed to be there.

Barry suppressed the urge to rush him, to wrap him in a hug that would pull them both together again, all those rough pieces meshing together until they were whole. Instead he took a deep breath and faced Eddie, stepping forward to meet him. Eddie let him take his hands and started to open his mouth.

“I know,” Barry interrupted softly, “I know there is a lot between us right now. I have a lot to say, to apologize for. I think I’ll be apologizing for those for a long time to come. I know you have a lot you need to get off your chest, and things I have to explain. There is so much to talk about and work out.”

Barry sighed, feeling a sting against the back of his eyes.

“But,” his voice wavered, not quite breaking “Can we—can we just not right this second. I’ve got lasagna and wine. I’ve got kettle corn and your grandmother’s hot chocolate. I’ve even got Sword in the Stone ready to go. I made us a fort, and—and I just, can we just, for an hour? I promise everything will still be there and I will listen then. I will answer anything and I will accept whatever you decide. Just, give us this hour and that talk before you do decide. Please?”

Thoughts flitted across Eddie’s eyes before he finally nodded.

“Okay, Allen.”

Barry let out the breath he’d been holding and led Eddie to the couch. He needed this, he needed to show Eddie what they could be, the best of what they were, before the talk about what they are now.

“That smells amazing.” Eddie took the plate Barry offered.

“Full disclosure, it’s a frozen one. I wanted to do homemade, but you’ve met me and that would’ve been a disaster.”

Eddie smiled, “Yeah, okay, I’ll give you that.”

“I did preheat the oven and take off the foil at the right time to cook the cheese.”

“You’re a regular Ramsay.”

Barry felt the knot start to loosen in the pit of his stomach at Eddie’s quip.

The movie was an odd mix of tension and familiar. Small glances at each other, quiet conversation that became more animated as time (and wine) wore on. Hands began brushing against each other. Small touches that increased when they decreased the space between them. They were knee to knee, half turned onto the couch, arms stretched across the back when the movie ended.

“So.” Barry picked at a thread.

“So.”, Eddie brought his arms inward towards his lap, “I don’t really know where to start, to be honest. I feel like, well, at first I didn’t think I could ever explain to you how much was wrong with our whole situation. But, the messages, I feel like maybe you do understand?” His voice was cautiously hopeful.

Barry cleared his throat and gathered his thoughts, “I know that sorry doesn’t come close to covering anything, but it’s really the only word we have. I’m so sorry. Eddie, I messed up so much. Not just the Flash thing, I want you to know that yes, I do understand now. I understand all the other stuff, I get it, the Flash was just the icing on the crappy way I was treating your trust.”

He scooted forward, bolstered by the fact that Eddie did the same.

“I can’t go back, okay, well I could maybe go back, but we don’t really understand that one and it just seems to cause way more—“

“Allen.”

“Sorry.”, Barry apologized, “Look, I can’t change what I did. But I can learn from it, I can promise you that I will tell you everything I can, and when I can’t tell you something I’ll tell you that and I’ll tell you why. I will be your partner from now on, no more secrets.”

“Speaking of secrets,” Eddie cleared his throat, “I won’t be a secret, either. I don’t want to sneak around anymore, Barry. If we’re going to do this, then we’re doing this all the way. In the open. And you will not hide anything from me because you think you’re keeping me safe. I’m a lot safer if I know what’s going on instead of stumbling in the dark. I can’t even try this with you if you can’t promise me at least those two things.”

“No, you’re right. If I can’t tell you everything, then we can’t be equal here. I promise everything, no hiding anything. From now on, you are my person.”

“Did you just quote Grey’s—“

“Shut up, I’m not finished.”

“Okay, but I’m Yang right?”

“Thawne,” Barry fought the urge to kiss that smirk off his face, “Let me finish.”

“You’re right, sorry.”

“As for the first thing, I’m there. I am beyond there. I’m ready to tell the world. Eddie Thawne is mine and I love him. I’m ready to shout it from the rooftops. In fact.”

Barry jumped up, jogging towards the edge of the roof.

“MY NAME IS BARRY ALLEN AND I LOVE EDDIE THAWNE!” he bellowed to the sky.

“Bar!” Eddie called him back, “Get back here.”

“Oh no, you can’t keep me quiet now.”

Barry jogged to the opposite side of the roof.

“MY NAME IS BARRY ALLEN AND I LOVE EDDIE THAWNE!”

“What?!” Barry and Eddie both turned towards the new voice coming below Barry.

He looked down to see a very confused woman leaning out of her window.

“I said, my name is Barry Allen and I love Eddie Thawne!” he called in a lower volume.

“That’s nice dear.” She called back, “But, I’m trying to sleep down here, so can you love him a little quieter?”

“Yeah, okay, I’m sorry.” Barry apologized.

She nodded and retreated back into her apartment. Barry turned to walk back to the couch.

“You’re insane.” Eddie laughed.

“I mean it.” Barry took Eddie’s hands again, “I’m all in.”

Eddie leaned further into the space.

“Okay.” He nodded.

“Okay?”

“Yeah, okay.” He let out a short breath, “All in. Let’s do it. I want to fix this.”

“Yeah?”

Barry pulled forward, forehead resting on Eddie’s.

“Yeah.” Eddie whispered against his lips, hands snaking around his neck and landing at the bottom of his hair.

Barry opened his mouth, he poured every thought and feeling he had in him into it. Hoping Eddie would understand like he had that night. The first night Barry had felt that emotion bubbling up, no knowing the name but clearly labeling it now.

“I love you.” He pulled back slightly, keeping his forehead against Eddie’s. “I love you, more than I thought I could. I didn’t know, at first, I didn’t know what that feeling was or that I could feel it. But I know it now. I love you, Eddie Thawne.”

“I love you, Barry Allen.”

They sat there for a moment, the projector had flickered off leaving the view of the sky clear and beautiful.

“Will you watch the sunrise with me?” Barry asked quietly.

Eddie looked at the couch and back at Barry, a slight worried expression wrinkling his forehead.

“No, we don’t have to—we can just lay here. I just want to be here with you, watching the sky and hearing you breathe. I just, I missed that. I missed you. So, clothes stay on and hands stay above, pinkie promise.” He smiled, trying to break the tension that had settled.

Eddie seemed relieved.

“Yeah, we can do that. I’d like that, actually.”

Barry settled across the back of the couch and waited for Eddie to take up his spot in front of him. After they’d adjusted he was still for a moment. Head resting against Eddie’s shoulder, palm against his chest and just counting heartbeats. Eddie had dozed off at some point and now was sleepily rolling over until he was facing Barry.

“Wake me for the sunrise.” He mumbled sleepily.

Barry ran his fingers along Eddie’s hairline.

“Absolutely.”

Barry must have dozed himself because when he was woken up by a stray elbow as Eddie rolled over again, the bottom of the sky was becoming tinged with light.

“Eddie,” Barry nudged him, “the sun is coming up.”

“Mmm, mkay.” Eddie yawned, grabbing Barry’s hand and bringing it against his chest again.

They were quiet as the colors spread across the sky until they all merged into shades of blue and white.

“Thank you for not making me watch the sunrise alone.” Barry murmured against Eddie’s ear.

Eddie brought Barry’s hand up to his mouth, kissing the knuckles.

“I’ll always watch the sunrise with you.”

He paused, leaning forward quickly to grab something and laughing as he held up the thermos.

“We forgot the hot chocolate again.”

“But, I remembered the spices.”

Eddie grinned, opening it and taking a drink. He nodded after.

“Just the way it’s supposed to be.”

Barry took the thermos and leaned into Eddie’s face to pull him into a kiss.

“I agree, this is just the way it’s supposed to be.”

Barry pulled back slightly out of breath.

"But, I'm totally Yang." He covered Eddie's mouth again before he could protest.


End file.
